Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes
by Aeternus.Flamma
Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. I did this because, as far as I know, it hasn't been done yet. If it has, well, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the first, if not THE first. Child Genius is sent to Camp Green Lake. Post Lost Colony
1. Chapter 1

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

I thought I was going to be able to bypass all of their laws. It turns out that I haven't yet gained a full understanding of the American Justice System. Damn that French girl. She turned me in. I was mid way through another scheme, a very productive$$$ one I might add, and she turned me in. She was angry that I beat her to the site. 

_I've dealt with Fairies and I've dealt with Demons. It seems humans are still my last obstacle. I was informed by Holly, my PI fairy, about curses. At first, I was doubtful. Only at first. I discovered the secret society of fairies; I had to have an open mind by now. Anyhow, she said that there was a struggle for treasure. About one hundred years ago, a certain human dealt with nonhuman business. Apparently he was rather profitable. _

_Moving on, this treasure has been buried for a very long time. There are some powerful artifacts, wanted by the fairy people, with this treasure. And lots of gold. Lots and lots of gold. Being the greedy bastard I am, I of course want this gold. I find it with the help of my friends, give them the powerful artifacts and keep the gold for myself to further my investments. _

_Sounds like a plan, doesn't it? I thought so too. I became distracted. Minerva and I were having a get together (Butler called it a date) while I was breeching some security systems. I thought nothing of it—she was quite capable of doing it as well. I wasn't aware that she actually knew what I was up to. She turned me over to the American police (I was in their system searching out the possibly burial spots) and I was actually prosecuted. _

_And I was sent to a juvenile facility in the United States. I rarely go the U.S. I don't care for it. Doesn't it just figure that I happen to be caught by a country I despise? I think so. _

_Do you want to know what else is ironic? The facility I was sent to—it was the very place I had pinpointed as the burial site. I think my fairies had something to do with that. In fact, I know they were. So I was sentenced to about eighteen months in the hell that resembled Hybras. It honestly seemed like a chip of the island when I first arrived. _

_

* * *

_

The yellow school bus screeched to a halt in front of the 'administration office.' Artemis Fowl II, in full suit, walked off of the bus, a scowl on his face. He had gone through many challenges to reach his goals before, but this one would be the worst. It actually required interaction. As he walked into a wooden 'building', more like a shack, he could hear voices behind him.

"Man, look at the new guy!" A southern accent said loudly.

"He looks like he just came from his trial," a Hispanic voice stated.

"Hope he's not in **our **tent," the first voice said, and then walked away. A large, cowboy looking man nearly hit him with a flying sunflower seed.

"Come 'ere, boy," he said and pointed to a chair, wanting him to sit down.

"I would rather stand." The Irish boy received a glare, but was allowed to stand.

"Says here you're in deep shit for hacking into a government program. Don't you know never to mess with the red, white, and blue, leprechaun?" More sunflower seeds were spit out.

"You do realize that Britain and France also have those colors as their own?" Artemis asked, a brow raised.

"Oo, we got a smart one, don't we? Well, you can't outsmart me! I know everything that goes on around here!" Artemis could tell that the adults around there were absolute morons.

"I'm sure you do, Mr. Sir," he didn't even bother to hold back the dripping sarcasm in his words.

"You know my name already, do you? I know yours too, _Artemis._ That's not a boy's name is it?" Mr. Sir said, mockingly. Artemis smirked.

"Neither is Marion."

"Don't you mouth me, boy!" The pathetic man was completely fuming now, though the color was drained from his face. He stood up abruptly, walking out with Artemis by the sleeve. "I will give you your jumpsuits and tell you what you have to do. Pendanski will take it from there. I might just hit you if I have to stick around you…" They walked into another crappy room and Artemis was tossed some ugly orange jumpsuits. "You wear it for three days for work, the other for relaxation, then switch. This is your shovel. It's your measuring stick. It's five feet. Your hole has to be five feet down and five feet across. Got that?"

"By saying that, it's rather misleading. I'm sure you mean: five feet **in depth, **and five feet **in diameter. **Select people with a brain, such as myself, could have interpreted your phrase with a multiple meanings. Be more specific next time," Artemis said coolly, enjoying the rise he was getting from the adult.

"You listen here—"

"Mr. Fowl, I'm doctor Pendanski and I will be your counselor. If you will follow me, I will take you to your tent," another adult male, whom was shorter than even Artemis, walked in before the southern man was able to get any words out. The Irish boy smirked and walked out after the sun-blocked man. "So, is this your first trip to the United States?"

"No," Artemis answered to the overly cheerful man.

"I see. I'm part Irish. My grandmother came over from Ireland," he said, thoughtfully. Artemis gave the 'I really couldn't care less' look, though Pendanski didn't see it. "Well, here we are. This is D tent. D stands for diligence. If you need anything, ask one of these boys here, I'm sure they will help you. Dinner will be shortly, be sure to listen for the bell!"

Artemis looked around the tent at the few faces that were in there. They all glared back at him. It was a mutual distaste.

* * *

t.b.p. I would like to dedicate this chapter to my dear friend, Lizi (darkbunniee13). She said OO COOL to my story right away. And I like that. Review! 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

I really started wishing that Butler were here. I had no idea what these guys were locked away for. Green Lake's computer filing system was terrible, and I couldn't locate anything. I didn't know who was who. One, whom had been lying on a cot, stood up and put a toothpick in his mouth. 

"Wow, don't we have a little rich kid here," Artemis immediately recognized the voice as someone he heard earlier. "So what did you do? Spit in a waiter's face for giving you the wrong wine?"

"It was Irish Spring water, actually," the young Fowl said and smirked, playing along. The toothpick boy had obviously not been expecting that.

"C'mon Magnet, this room's getting too **stuffy **for me. You ain't allowed to wear you're designer clothes here, Rich boy," toothpick growled and walked out of the tent. Artemis continued smirking. If all of the guys were so easy to annoy, he was going to have a fun time.

But he still missed Butler's protection.

Artemis changed into the ugly piece of fabric and tied the sleeves around his waist, like he had seen other boys. He had been sure to get the scoop on the facility before he had come to Green Lake. He was sure to load up on the things he would really need. No matter how much it pained him to have to dull down his attire. Tee shirts, wife beaters, gloves, shorts… things he would never ever wear if he ever had the option. His gloves though—those he was proud of. Holly passed them along to him. He was sure to never get blisters from them. Fairy technology was amazing.

He walked out into the sun once more. Oh how he felt like a vampire. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who had those thoughts. A crazy haired blonde boy came running out of the room labled 'Rec. Room' holding two pieces of wood together like a crucifix. Artemis stared at the moron.

"Die you immortal bastard!" The boy yelled rather loudly, running at him. Artemis ducked down quickly, and the boy fell over him. "No! Your vampiric speed is too much for me! I had garlic for lunch! I'm warning you!" Artemis dragged himself away and brushed off the dirt.

"Now, if I were a vampire, how would I possibly be standing here in broad daylight? According to myth ((though he wasn't really sure if they were myths anymore)) I would burst into flames right about now, wouldn't I?" The blonde kid just stared at him.

"I'm onto your tricks, bloodsucker! I'll catch you while you're in your coffin!"

"No such luck, Zig. He's in our tent. No coffin for him in there. It wouldn't fit with all of us," the toothpick boy walked out, looking like he was ready to hit Artemis.

"It's part of his scheme! He's going to kill us off one by one so that he can import his coffin from Transylvania!" No one seemed to pay the crazy kid much mind. From behind toothpick came a black boy with very thick glasses.

"So you're the new kid. Squid here says you're a richy rich kid. Listen here, cause while you're enjoying you're stay at Camp Greenlake, you're the same as all of us. In some cases, lower, depending on what you've done, got that?"

"Oh perfectly clear, but what I've done takes more skill than any of you seventh grade intellects have ever done. So I suppose that still puts me above you, doesn't it?" Artemis stated in a matter of fact-ly tone, smiling his dark smile.

"You ba—" Squid took a step forward, but the thick glasses stopped him.

"You're going to have a fun time here. What's your name, new guy? I'm X-ray, you've already met Squid. The one who attacked you is Zigzag. The Mexican is Magnet. You'll meet the others at dinner. Careful what you say here. There are more of us than you. There's no one to protect you now," X-ray walked away with his group behind him.

I've suddenly decided I need my bodyguard here. If Butler can't, which he probably won't, maybe he can send a contact in the U.S. instead. I'm sure for the right price, someone would do it. Right?

_An annoying clanging sounded in a nearby building. Suddenly, it was a mad rush to get in. I supposed it was dinner. What else could make a camp filled with guys go rampant? Other that a girl that is… While everyone was distracted, I pulled out my satellite phone to text Butler. Did they really think I wouldn't sneak it in? If I can steal a painting from a high security bank in Switzerland by taking in hidden devices, I can hide a three in phone. No one caught me either. _

_Butler, _

_In need of a guard. Send someone whom can blend in._

_A.F.II_

_I slid my phone in my back pocked carefully and walked towards the 'dining' room. I grabbed a tray of something that I don't think even Mulch would put in his mouth, and searched out a table. Everyone was sorted by tent. I saw the one called X-ray sitting at a table with the one called Squid. My table. _

Artemis casually walked over to their table and sat down as far away from the others as possible. No such luck. "Hey there Prince William, I'm Armpit," he said and then laughed at his own joke.

"I'm Irish you imbecile," Artemis snapped, they all looked at him and scowled.

"Well then, leprechaun, lemme ask you this—what does your daddy do that makes you so rich and better than us?" X-ray asked.

"What **doesn't **my **family **do? I have stocks in so many different industries and businesses that four could claim bankruptcies and I would still be pushed past the billionaire status by others. How's that?" Artemis asked and stirred around his 'food.'

"What are you doing here then?" Someone he didn't know his names asked.

"My punishment. My father thought I deserved this. I can't complain. If he had caught me with my other illegal dwellings, I can't imagine what would happen to me," Artemis was smiling to himself as he reflected on his other successful plans.

"Why are you **here **though? In the United States, if you're Irish?" The same kid asked. He seemed very nice and polite—very unlike the others.

"Well, things like this happen when you hack into other government programs. Since that damned Patriot act was passed, it's been harder for me to get away with my… projects. I was turned in while hacking some accounts. It wasn't important information, so I'm only here for eighteen months. So, how many of you can hack into the government's password protected, firewall encoded, set ups?" Everyone exchanged glances. "That is what I had assumed."

* * *

t.b.p.-- sooo thank you to Lyn Dulce, my very first reviewer! I appreciate the fact that you gave me a review!! And everyone else... Review!! 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

_I finished my 'dinner' and met everyone. There were seven all together; I was number eight. The one called Zigzag still believed me to be some sort of vampire, but he had elaborated his thoughts. I was now an evil Irish vampire whom had come to steal government secrets by using the turned boys as stampede the pentagon. Yeah. That was **exactly **what I had come to do. _

Z-ray, the obvious leader, started out of the mess hall first. All of D-tent followed, but not all happily. Artemis did **not **want to have to be under his jurisdiction. And he wouldn't be. He would do what he wanted, when he wanted, however he wanted. It did not include the delinquent boys. As soon as they had exited into the 'fresh' air, Artemis turned and headed back to the tent, away from the others. They all gave him puzzled looks—they had expected him to follow.

Artemis walked briskly into his tent and sat down on his bed. Well, his feeble cot. He pulled out his phone to see Butler had returned his message.

_AFII_

_Alreaddy searfching._

_B_

Butler hated text messaging. His large fingers always pushed extra buttons. He had settled for whatever was understandable. Either way, the Irish boy was relieved to see that he had already started searching for someone to be his temporary bodyguard.

_Butler_

_Good to hear it. Probably an Amer.?_

_AFII_

He slipped his phone away just as the tent flap opened. The one named Caveman walked in. "Do you want to come hang out in the Rec. Room? There's pool, fuss ball, ping pong…" His voice trailed off, showing his obvious nervousness.

"No, I most certainly do not, Neanderthal. I prefer my own company with the few things I was allowed to bring in. If you will excuse me," Artemis lounged on his cot with a notebook. Caveman shrugged, muttered something, and walked out. Artemis grinned and looked at the paper. When it was being checked, before he was permitted to bring it, it confused the guard. His notebooks, some empty, some filled, contained equations. The guard was obviously not very bright. He let the Irish boy take them. They were Magic equations—what he would use to locate the dig site. It was the only reason he had agreed to actually getting caught.

Oh of course he knew that Minerva would turn him in. She always did such things when she wasn't included. It was why he showed her. The government, being angry and upset, sentenced him to a juvenile camp. This place. He had already decided that this was where the treasure he was looking for was. The only way to get it was to dig for it. What did these guys do every day of their lives? Dig. So he got caught, got himself sentenced to the camp, came to the camp, all because he would get away with digging and not looking suspicious. Convenient, no?

He took a deep breath and started into his work. Nothing gave him such pleasure as his work.

* * *

"I don't like him." 

"We've already decided that you don't like him, Zigzag. You've already expressed your belief that he is a vampire. Anyone else?" X-ray asked.

"He's just a snot nosed brat who thinks he's better than us. I don't like him. He'll come crawlin' to us once the work gets too tough. He's probably never done a days work in his life!" Squid growled and dropped onto the old couch.

"He's just got to warm up to us, that's all. . ." Caveman said as he entered the conversation.

"Man, you're too nice! He's been nothing but rude to us, and you're just like 'he's just got to warm up to us, that's all.' I can't wait until someone just takes advantage of your niceness, and you explode," Armpit laughed and took his shot at pool.

"Well, I still give him props for hacking into the government system," Magent grinned and nodded.

"He could be a terrorist and you congratulate him? Freakin' beaner…" Squid muttered the last part but Magnet still heard him. The Mexican glared at the southern boy.

"He's Irish, not Arab. He can't be a terrorist," Armpit said, thinking he was sounding rather smart.

"Pit, you don't have to be Arab to be a terrorist. It's anyone who hates someone else and is willing to take action against them," X-ray rolled his eyes. It was wonder how some of these guys ever made it in the 'real' world.

"So **do **you think he's a terrorist?" Squid asked, sitting up. X-ray shook his head.

"Naw, he wouldn't be sent here if he were, would he? He would be like… in a high security prison," X-ray took Armpit's pool stick, he was getting fed up with the other boy missing his shot, and hit it for him. Two balls went right into pockets. "It's all in the wrist dude, it's _all in the wrist."

* * *

t.b.p. Thanks goes to... _

**Miaseaofbitterness: **Yes, Artemis is a snob. Just in Lost Colony, he's toned it down a bit, and this is set after LC.

**-'-Blueberrys-Are-Special-'-: **Thanks's for Reviewing!

Everyone else... Review!


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

The boys started piling into the tent, forcing Artemis to put his caluable work away. "What are you doin'?" Squid asked loudly, "nuclear physics?" 

"Something of the sort," the Irish boy answered, storing his stuff away in his bag—which had a lock attatched.

"Whatever man, you're creepy," the toothpick boy hopped onto his own cot with a disgruntling groan.

"He's planning his escape already! He's deciding the rate at which he's going to run using his vampire speed!" Zigzag said and dived onto his bed.

"I'm looking for treasure," Artemis stated nonchalantly. The boys stared at him.

"Treasure? Out here? You're as crazy as Zig!" Armpit laughed, the others followed suit.

"Perhaps," he said quietly, "So what is it that we do all day?" He attempted to move the conversation into another direction, one in which he could feel more secure.

"We dig holes."

"Yes, I understand that, but what else?"

"That's it," the youngest kid whom they called Zero said, "we just dig holes. All day, everyday." It was the first words that Artemis had heard the boy say since he had arrived. The others fell silent.

"Well, I'm terribly excited for my next eighteen months," he said sarcastically, his accent seeping in his words.

"Richy rich—you won't last a week," the southern accent that was Squid snapped.

* * *

The lights had been out for a few hours, but the teenaged genius's mind never slowed. He continued to process calculations and time seemed to just fly. Although, not like exactly like the trip back from Hybras. He had dozed off for just a little while, only to be awoken by a trumpet blaring. Slowly, the moans and groans started as everyone started to arise from their deadened state. 

Artemis changed and, tiredly, followed the boys out to where ever they were going. "You take a shovel," Caveman told him, "just don't take the one with the red X on it. X-ray will fight you for it. You wouldn't be able to take him, so don't even bother."

I, of course, was no idiot. I knew that if it was special to the Thick Glasses, then I wouldn't be able to get it from him. Not yet at least. I'm sure eventually I would be able to. Or my coming bodyguard would.

_I received a text late, well early this morning. Butler had apparently found someone who was going to be able to get in. I figured the guy would be around my age and American, so not to draw suspicion. And if Butler chose him, then surely he would be suited for the job. I trust Butler with my life, after all. _

Artemis grabbed the syrupy pita and followed the group out onto the lake. He was surprised to hear that it **had **actually been a lake. No one talked to him as they walked. No one talked at all. It seemed as though everyone was just conserving his energy.

When they reached the spot that they were supposedly digging at, Mr. Sir stopped them. "Alright there _Foul," _he pronounced his name incorrectly. One of the things Artemis couldn't stand. "This is where you will dig. Five feet down, five feet across. We will fill your nice little water bottle a few times and be coming by for lunch. See you then."

"It's Fowl, and I've already corrected you once," Artemis hissed, "five feet **in depth, **five feet **in diameter.**" Mr. Sir ignored him. The Irish boy started to feel as if there would be a reoccurring pattern.

Once regaining his mentality, Artemis did a three sixty around their dig site, eventually choosing his spot. The ground was ever so slightly less packed together, and he predicted a few air pockets underneath. It would make digging easier for him if there were. Protective, fairy gloves on his hands, he started his first shovel full. He managed and threw it to one side. It was hard, having almost no real strength. He had never needed it before.

"First hole's the hardest," Caveman said and smiled in a friendly matter. Artemis scowled. Not at him, but at everything in general.

* * *

Their first water break had come by and the truck rolled up. Artemis was the furthest behind; he noted such as he jumped out of his hole to fill his water. He stood in the back of the line, thinking to himself. The boys were staring at him, expecting him to fight the order of the line, but were surprised when he didn't. Zero stood in front of him, watching the Irish boy with interest. Artemis could feel his eyes bearing into him and turned to the kid. "Something I can help you with?" He asked, irritated. 

"No. You must have a lot to think about," Zero said and shrugged.

"In fact I do. Please," Artemis said bitterly, "move up." Zero complied and had his jug filled. Artemis was last, but he didn't particularly mind.

"You're actually holding up there, Foul?" Mr. Sir said. Artemis wasn't stupid enough to say anything. Not while Mr. Sir was the one giving him water. He walked back to his hole without answering the ugly old man and sat down on the edge, taking a nice long drink.

"Hey, Rich boy," X-ray called over to Artemis, grinning. "You're so smart right? Well, I've got a _good _question for you."

* * *

t.b.p. DUNDUNDUNNNNNNNNN oo cliffhanger! Now, I would like to thank... (insert phantom drum roll) 

**Marshmellow Fluff Bunnies: **once again, thank you SOO MUCH for your review! If you write your own AF/Holes crossover, I will be SURE read every bit of it. I love Holes and Artemis Fowl so much, that anyone who has the courage to try one with me, is good in my book! THANK YOU!

Everyone else... Review!


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

"Hey, Rich boy," X-ray called over to Artemis, grinning. "You're so smart right? Well, I've got a _good _question for you." 

"What is it?"

"What… is the average airspeed velocity of an unladed swallow?" There was silence as the boys held their breath in anticipation. Artemis stopped digging.

"What do you mean?" He said, very slowly. "African? Or European?" They all started laughing.

"You've seen that movie, rich boy?" X-ray asked, grinning.

"Of course. I'm a huge Monty Python fan. I am part of the UK after all," he went right back to digging.

"You said you were from Ireland!" Armpit exclaimed, confused.

"Ireland is part of the United Kingdom. We didn't really gain any independence until a few decades ago."

"Hey genius, if you know the two legs of a right triangle, how do you find the hypotenuse?" Squid asked, trying very hard to remember his math classes.

"A squared plus B squared equals C Squared. Pythagorean principle. I learned that when I was seven. At least give me a question that I haven't been able to answer for almost ten years," Artemis said and rolled his eyes.

"What if you know only one leg and one angle, and it isn't the right angle?" X-ray asked, thinking he was sounding all smart.

"Trig. Hypotenuse equals opposite divided by sine theta or adjacent divided by cosine theta," Artemis said and yawned, expressing the ease.

"Okay vampire genius out to get the government," Zigzag said suspiciously, "what if it **isn't **a right trianle and you're trying to find the hypotenuse. What do you need to know to find it then?"

"Do you even know the answer to that, Zig?" Caveman asked curiously.

"Yeah! I Do!" He replied, defensively.

"To find the hypotenuse, you need to know both legs and one of the angles. The formula would be hypotenuse squared equals A squared plus B squared minus two times A times B time cosine theta. You take that answer and get the square root. Don't forget the significant figures. Trig is so simple, I was learning it while you were all leaning pre algebra," Artemis said lazily. He was relieved to find that by digging and solving equations, his hole seemed to finish itself.

"I don't think we can give you anything harder," Caveman said nervously, "I doubt any of us went to top notch schools like you."

"I don't suppose you have."

* * *

Artemis finished at about the same time Caveman finished. They were able to walk back to camp together. 

"I have to ask," Caveman broke their tense silence, "have you done a lot of illegal things?"

"More than you know."

"And you've never been caught before this?"

"Not once."

"Did your parents ever know?" Caveman continued to inquire.

"My father was kidnapped by the Russian Mafia a few years ago. They blew up his ship. He lost his leg. I was the one whom rescued him. I did. It was myself, my bodyguard, and a small team of specialists. I was right there in the action. After that, he could never really be angry with me. For anything. He was more of a scoundrel than I am now. After his near death experiences, he went clean. He wanted just to be with his family. Of course he knew about all of my dealings, but he knew they were inspired by his own. He simply told me to end my shadow dealing. He thinks I have. I haven't," Artemis explained. The more information he withheld, the more suspicious he was sure the others would be.

"Well, you're here aren't you? They know you're still doing illegal stuff now, right?" Caveman was just making innocent conversation, Artemis could tell, but he still didn't like it.

"I convinced them otherwise. It doesn't matter. I am never caught unless I want to be," Artemis's words were cold. As cold as his icy blue eyes (I didn't like the whole hazel bit.) Caveman backed down with his questions and the silent tension resumed.

* * *

t.b.p. so I'm still working on developing the plot, so give me a break. The reason this is under the Holes catagory is because it takes place at CGL. Yeah. So this chapter's thanks goes to... 

**Marshmellow Fluff Bunnies: **once again, I am SO sorry to diappoint you with the whole girl bit. Yes, everyone, there WILL be a girl in this. Which leads me to...

**Miaseaofbitterness: **YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE! Haha, since, you know, I told you what is gonna happen. So no more comments regarding that one topic! We will call that topic... Subject BG.

**-'-Blueberrys-Are-Special-'-: **Yes. Zigzag is a hottie. I had to go rent The Greatest Game Ever Played just so I could see Max Kasch. And he barely had a part. So I watched it like eight times. Just so I could see the hottie. I'm glad you might read Artemis Fowl now! They're one of my favorite series. If you like Harry Potter, then you WILL like Artemis Fowl.

Everyone else... Review!


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

There were many things I didn't like in the world. One of those things was showering. Not showering in general, but showering in front of others. Namely boys. It was just straight out uncomfortable. I couldn't wait for the arrival of my new bodyguard. Which Butler had apparently found. I was quite confident in believing that he had been up all night making phone calls in attempt to find sufficient muscle. Now, I just had to await his arrival. 

_Apparently, that "doctor" held consoling sessions once a week. Another psychologist—just what I really needed. It was sad to say, but I was looking forward to the opportunity. It was a well-known fact that I enjoyed tormenting doctors. In Europe, many refused to see a patient whom might even just be **suspected **of being Artemis Fowl. Still, I wanted to engage my mind once more. I've always enjoyed the mind games I take part in. I always emerge victorious. _

_We sat in the mess hall. It had been closed for almost two hours. The boys were all lounged back and relaxed while I sat up straight and alert. Soon, Pendanski marched on in. _"Good evenin' boys! I hope you are all well!"

"You act like you haven't seen us in a long time, mum!" _X-ray laughed and elbowed Squid to agree with him. Mum was what they called Pendanski. It was no wonder. He wasn't exactly masculine. _

"Yeah, uh, yeah!" he said, trying to think quickly, "it isn't like we've changed since you saw us."

"Not true," Artemis interjected, "we are all exactly 3,357 seconds older than when he last saw us. And you're IQ has apparently dropped since then." Everyone stared at him. _Let the games begin. _

* * *

"So your name is Artemis… Foul?" Pendanski asked, grinning his cheesy little grin. 

"Fowl. As in the bird."

"And Artemis. As in the girl?" Still smirking.

"Though the first recorded Artemis was the goddess of the moon, it tends to be a unisexual name. Is that word to big for you?" Artemis asked with a straight face. Pendanski's smirk faded.

"You think you're so smart, don't ya?" The doctor said lowly. He shrugged.

"Yes, actually, I do. I'm probably more qualified for your j ob than you are," his lips twitched just slightly, threatening to reveal a smile, "where did you get your degree?"

"Uh, I, uh—"

"I've received a degree in psychology under the name Doctor Cenail DeMenchia from John Hopkins. Can you top that?"

"I get it," Zigzag giggled, "senile dementia!"

"How could you possibly figure that out? No one ever understands the pun," Artemis said rudely. _Except for Minerva. _

"My dad works as a doctor in an asylum. He read your book," Zigzag paled suddenly, "oh no! Don't tell my dad is a vampire supporter! My god! He's a familiar like in the Blade movies! Don't you use my family, you bloodsucker!"

"Anyhow," Pendanski said loudly, "if you were so smart, you wouldn't be in here, would you?"

"But—" Caveman whispered. Everyone quieted down to hear him, "—he's only caught when he wants to be caught. He wants to be here." _Very good Caveman. YOU at least have HALF a brain. _

"Are you saying that he was purposely tried and convicted? Who the hell would want to do that? Pendanski's cheerful little attitude had dissipated.

"That's right, doctor. Maybe I am here because I wantedto be here. And as long as you don't understand what's going on, I'm perfectly safe," the Irish genius smirked. Suddenly, the D-tent boys could easily see why Zigzag had labeled him a vampire.

* * *

On the way back to their tent, the _regular_ boys were al huddled together for protection against the vampire. Artemis walked ahead and alone. He was the first one into the tent and the first to dispose of his nasty orange jumpsuit. And the first to climb into his cot. From under his blanket, he checked his phone. Butler had sent another text.

_AFII_

_In.s Transsdfit._

_B_

The 'typos' Butler made gave him a laugh. He was able to suppress the chuckle and hide away his phone once more. So his bodyguard was on his way? And not nearly too soon. In fact, the sooner the better. He wasn't sure how long it would be before the D-tent boys turned to violence.

* * *

t.b.p. so no reviews yet, but that is okay! I'm on a roll! Hopefully part seven will be out TONIGHT! Thank you for you guys who are reading. You're the only reason I've updated at all. 


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

The next few days for me were a blur. Quite literally. I made the mistake of making a rude comment about Squid's mother. He punched me. I'm very fragile, that much is obvious. I was knocked unconscious. A blur. He doesn't care for me too much. The feeling is mutual. 

_I've almost finished my basic calculations. What I'm searching for should be out on the desert, closer to camp. It's within a one hundred yard radius, that much is definite. It's much easier than a hundred acres. Narrowing down the location is the hard part. If anyone can do it, it is myself. _

_I admit, I probably should not have attacked Squid's family. I know nothing of them. It had only caused more trouble. And tension. I'm very fearful that I might find myself in a hole, unable to get out. Where is my bodyguard?_

_It was my lucky day though. I over heard that 'doctor' telling **Marion **about a new arrival. Had my bodyguard committed a crime to get himself sent here? He was very loyal then, wasn't he? I happily sat in the tent, alone, waiting to meet the arrival. I was also thrilled to hear that I had received a voice mail from Holly. I would have to check it at some more opportune moment. I could hear the bus's break system screeching to a halt. _

When Artemis had stepped off, there was no crowd waiting to greet him. No one cared much about him coming to camp. But suddenly, there were people standing around the bus as though they were ready to over turn it. Why? Artemis stepped around to see who was **so **interesting as to catch the intrigue of the entire camp. It was a girl. _I pray that she is not whom they sent me. _

Although, that was rude of him. Juliet was a perfectly fit bodyguard. But she was a Butler. That was different.

* * *

Squid was working in the confiscation cabin when Mr. Sir walked in with someone new. He didn't even look at the guy. He just noticed that he was on the shorter side and pulled out a jumpsuit for him. When he turned back around, that was when he noticed that the he was actually a she. While staring with his mouth opened, he passed over the jumpsuit. He snatched it from his hands and started to change in front of him. He was in total shock. But so was Mr. Sir who stared at Squid with a lost look on his face. When she had finished, he resumed his speech. 

"So, your hole is, uh," he was thrown completely off track. Squid stepped in.

"It's five feet deep and five feet across. You use your shovel to measure it. One hole everyday, each day, kay princess?" He smirked. He had regained his normal attitude. She stared at him before turning to Pendanski, who had just walked in.

"Miss Edan, we're glad to have you here!"

"You won't be."

"Right, well, come on, you're going to be with C tent. C stands for Capable, okay?" He said and started off.

"Yeah, and F stands for fucker," she muttered, though Squid heard it. She reluctantly followed the doctor out and to her new tent.

When she was outside, it was dead silence. Everyone was staring at her. She glanced over all of the guys. Her eyes landed on one particular raven haired boy. She nodded to him and continued walking.

Artemis let out a groan. It was his bodyguard. While everyone was busy staring at her, he found himself behind a shed, dialing his voicemail.

"Hey Artemis, it's your favorite PI. So Butler called me with your little issue. I recommended someone. I'm sure he will find her suitable. I know it's an all boys' camp, but we will probably be able to get her in. Keep in touch. I'm interested in how things are going for you. Maybe a juvie camp with make you want to actually stay out of illegal affairs, huh? (There was a laugh) well, got some work to do, later. (the line went dead.)

They honestly sent him a girl to protect him. A girl in an all boys' camp. No, that wouldn't draw suspicion, would it? He thought sarcastically. Oh lord, help him. He was going to most definitely die in this hellhole. Haha. Hole. Oh god. He was going crazy.

At least he wouldn't really have to deal with her. She was in C tent. He was in D tent. Then again, it almost completely defeated the purpose of a bodyguard. What had Holly done to him? What was she thinking, sending this girl? Artemis walked his head down, and he ended up walking into someone. He looked up. It was she.

"Artemis, right? What tent are you in?" She said, very uninterested.

"D tent. Yes, it's Artemis. Who are you?" He snapped. She barely blinked.

"Edan. Alexandra Edan. It's going to be fun working with you. Once I manage to get myself moved into your tent. Later," she walked away from him. That was the first time a girl had actually turned her back to him.

Even when Artemis walked back to his own tent, he could not escape her. She was everywhere now. All of the guys in the camp were talking about her. He didn't understand why. She wasn't all that pretty. Though, he supposed they had their reasons.

_They're probably **very **desperate. _

* * *

t.b.p. yes everyone, I'm terribly sorry. The girl that goes to CGL has arrived. BUT I SWEAR THIS IS ACTUALLY DIFFERENT! It's cause she isn't the main character. She had her reasons for being there.

**Lyn Dulce: **I agree. Vampire paranoia is always good. Who knows when they are going to pop out of the shadows, drain your blood, and destroy your immortal soul! Arty as a vampire is freaking awesome. If anyone out there goes commissions, I think you should do us a portait of Arty as a Vampy. Thanks.

Everyone else, ReViEw!


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

"Did you guys see that chica?" Magnet laughed and flopped onto his rickety cot. 

"Man, I was the first one to talk to her!" Squid grinned and replaced his toothpick.

"I wonder what she's doing here," Zero said light heartedly, "she's a girl."

"Dude, Zero, you're young, you may not realize this, but girls can be worse than the guys. They're nasty little thangs, aren't they, X?" Armpit nodded.

"Yeah man, like Lizzie Borden. She killed her dad and her step mom with an axe. When they tried her in court, she wasn't convicted because they didn't think a girl was able to do stuff like that. At the time. How 'bout that?" the leader of D tent said and tossed off his jumpsuit.

"I just mean that she's in an all boy camp. They shouldn't have let her in," Zero said quietly. No one bothered to listen to the small kid though.

"What kind of guy do you think she would go for? Spicy Hispanic, huh?" Magnet joked and nodded.

"Tall dark and handsome," X-ray commented and elbowed Armpit.

"No way man, Southern flava all the way!" Squid said and smirked.

"Nice guys," Caveman said thoughtfully.

"yeah right dude," Zigzag laughed, "I bet she goes for a guy who can make her laugh. I got her covered"

"Or maybe," Artemis added in while working on his equations, "she's like most women and wants a guy with money."

"Fowl, man," Armpit said and scowled, "this is America. Most of your average girls don't even bother with money. Not like your Irish chicks, I guess."

"Women are the root of all evil," Artemis said and rolled his eyes.

"Money is the root of all evil," Zero snapped. Everyone stared at him, quite astounded.

"**Most **women are after money. Therefore, if A equals B and B equals C, meaning A is equal to C, women are evil," the Irish boy stated, not even looking up from his papers.

"So what, are you gonna be gay to avoid all evils?" Squid asked.

"I've seen more evils than any of you have. I'll marry a woman my family finds fit. She will be from a wealthy family and have a near perfect complexion. Possibly a model—perfect for public appearances. I will be engrossed in my work and she will live a lavish lifestyle. That's how my forefathers have operated; that's how I will operate," Artemis said and rubbed his temple. He didn't like thinking about the future and the things he would be tied down with.

"Guess that's just the price of being rich, right?" X-ray said, "good thing we will never have to worry about stuff like that. We just got to find ourselves a fine chick to marry… or at least give us a good night!"

The boys started laughing once more, they completely disregarded Artemis's comment. They also continued discussing possible plans and schemes to court the new girl. When you were stuck in a camp where you just dug holes all day, with all guys, what would you do? Unless you were Artemis of course. Then you knew exactly what you would do. You would sit around and do magic/physics problems.

"So… no one actually knows her name, do they?" Armpit asked. The boys exchanged glances.

"I haven't got to read her file yet, sorry. I'll tell y'all when I do," Squid said and twisted his toothpick.

"Her name is Alexandra Edan," Artemis said, nonchalantly.

"How did you know that?" Zero asked suspiciously.

"She introduced herself to me. I ran into her. Quite literally," the Irish boy lied, easily making up a story.

"Eden? Like the Garden of Eden?" Caveman asked. Artemis shook his head.

"No, Edan. It means fire, if I am not mistaken. Sounds like she could be of Irish descent as well. Her accent tells me that she's always lived here though—very American."

"Hell man, you can tell a lot from a person. How long did you talk to her?" Squid asked.

"They barely talked," Zigzag butted in, "it was like 'Hi, I'm Alexandra.' That was about it."

"How did you know that?" Artemis asked sharply.

"I was watching," Zigzag shrugged.

"You were spying on me?"

"No," Zigzag said with a very Draco Malfoy-like smirk, "I was spying on her."

* * *

t.b.p. sorry for not updating for like a week, I've just been busy. Until freaking marching band season is over, I will be busy. But I will continuously try to update as much as possible. Alright, so thanks goes tooooooo 

**Blueberries are special:** I know. Usually, I wait for reviews until I update... but I was on a roll and I just couldn't stop and wait!

**Miaseaofbitterness:** yeah, they are cliche, but oh well, right? I'm glad you are not holding it against me! .; I don't know who started it... It just spread like wildfire after the movie came out (prolly cause there were just so many hott guys in it!). I remember being in an RPG like way back when, and it was Girls go to CGL.

Alright, until next time... review!


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

_The next few days were a pain. My bodyguard wasn't doing her job. _

_Well, okay, she was. Her job was just to protect me from other giant boys who could break me in half. And they weren't doing that, as of yet. They were just talking about her. None stop. I found it rather annoying. I don't find her very much attractive at all. I suppose these boys are all just too desperate. Desperation usually leads to stupidity too. _

_One guy from B Tent broke into the Warden's cabin and stole flowers for her. She laughed at him and walked away. Then he was caught. And then he had to dig two holes for the next month. Poor bastard. I found it very funny too. _

_Guys were even offering to dig her hole for her. She refused every time. She said she was a big girl and didn't need help. She didn't. She was very quick with her digging. I could see her walking back to camp everyday from her section with C Tent. It confirmed my suspicion that she had been in juvenile camps before. Even the hot sun didn't seem to affect her. In fact, I noticed that she started to tan almost instantly on her first day. I was very jealous. I was having Aloe Vera shipped to me almost weekly. _

I was walking back to camp with Caveman, as I usually do, and it was silent. He was very good at just shutting up while we walked back. But, today, he did something that he usually wouldn't have done. He dared to speak to me.

"Do you smell smoke?"

* * *

When Artemis and Caveman actually were in the camp, they found that all of C Tent was sitting against the Rec. Room wall. Watching their tent go up in flames. Squid walked over and leaned against the wall, next to where the girl, whom they all just called Edan, was sitting. 

"What happened?" He asked ask Artemis walked up to stand with next to him.

"It caught on fire."

"I can see that. How?" Squid asked and tossed his bent up toothpick into the blaze.

"How am I supposed to know? I was coming back from getting a shower in the Warden's. It was already flaming when I was in sight of it," she said, scowling. The Warden chose this moment to rear her ugly head.

"Pendanski, you and Mr. Sir can question the boys. Squid, Fowl, grab a cot from the storage room. Miss Edan's going to be moved into your tent," the Warden started to walk away.

"Wait—" he called out, she turned around, placing her shades back on, "—what about the girl? Shouldn't we question her too?"

"Excuse me?" The Warden snapped, "she was just coming from my cabin. I **know **she couldn't have done it. Unless you think she can start a fire with her mind. Huh boys?" She asked, obviously humored by it all.

"I guess not—"

"Exactly! Just start questioning the boys. Come on D-tent! Go get the young lady her stuff," the Warden said and gave Squid a push. Edan stood up.

"Yeah boys, go get me my cot," she started to walk towards their tent.

"What happened to being such a big girl?" Artemis snapped.

"Ooooh no! I feel so sick! I might faint! Ooooh no! Whatever will I do?" She continued walking off, a boy popping out of nowhere to escort her to the tent. The Irish boy just shook his head, muttering to himself. Women **were **the root of all evil.

* * *

Alexandra Edan walked into D-tent. She was feeling rather sick, well, more or less just tired. There was only one bed that was actually made in the tent. _Guys are such pigs,_ she decided and lay down on the bed that looked the cleanest. She doubted the guy would care if she took a nap on it. She placed her bag of clothing next to it, as she had it when she showered, it was unharmed in the fire. 

After putting her head down, she was out in moments. She felt completely comfortable in the heat. It was like a second skin to her.

As it would have it, the only bed that was made belonged to a boy that **did **care that it was being used. He walked into the tent to find the sleeping girl lying stretched out across the cot, and her arms under his pillow. He slowly walked over and examined her, careful not to touch her. He made ridiculous movements, just to see if she reacted. She could possibly be pretending to be sleeping. She wasn't though, he decided. She was completely unconscious, in a dreamlike sense at least.

He stood straight and crossed his arms, looking at her with a puzzled expression. He realized that her tent practically just exploded, but why did she have to choose his bed to sleep on? Now he couldn't take a nap! He glared at her and _humphed_ unsure of what he would do.

Soon, someone entered behind him. Two some ones actually. Squid and Artemis walked in with a brand new cot folded up. "Zigzag?! What the hell are you going to her?!" Squid yelled loudly.

"Nothing! She's sleeping in my bed! I want my bed! She's going to infect it with evil and it's going to eat me while I sleep!" He pointed at the girl, as if accusing her of witchcraft.

"If I'm not mistaken, the only thing she might do is set fire to your cot," Artemis said evilly, "but you're already a pyromaniac, so it could easily be blamed on you."

"Why would she do that?" A muffled response came from Zigzag's cot.

"Because I set fire to my tent."

* * *

**t.b.p.: **Alright, alright, I know, it's kind of been a while. I've been busy with school, MB, my other stories, and my attempted book. But, being as I watched Red Eye and it had Max Kasch in it, I just had to update some Ziggy stuff. **Okay** on to the reviewers! 

**Miaseaofbitterness: **Thank you for reading, I'm glad you've continued on with my story!

**Maddiecake: **haha, I'm just trying to keep Zigzag as paranoid as possible, with out making it too ridiculous. Sometimes, you just have to put _Die you immortal bastard _in. It can't be helped. Thanks for reading!

**And you... Grammar Goth... I haven't decided whether I like you or not. I'm cool with critics and all, but the people who just read to pull mistakes out are just obnoxious. I have seen the movie and read the book, obviously, and I do think Squid is hott. But I like Max Kasch so much better. I have also been a devout Draco Malfoy fan for the past four years. Tom Felton rules them all. **

**As for your _spell check_ I make typos as much as the next person. I don't bother to go through and proof read fanfictions, because they are just for the enjoyment of readers. If there is a missing word or something, it was probably just because my mind was writing the story much faster than I can type. None of these are prewritten. The chapters are just what comes out whenever I have time to update. Which is why it takes me a while. If I don't feel like it, then I can't write a chapter. **

**As as your name refers to ,_Grammar Goth _(which, in my personal oppinion, I find to be an oxymoron), I'm very good with grammar too. So don't even start with me. **

I hope I didn't scare off you other readers!! I'm SO sorry for my rant, but it was driving me crazy!!! Everyone else, REVIEW! Unless you are going to side with Grammar Goth on an issue previously state. Thanks. Bye.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

"I suspected as much," Artemis said and dropped the cot. Zigzag immediately started to set it up. He wanted to girl off of his bed as soon as possible. 

"Warden said you were on the way back from her cabin. How'd you managed to set something up to light it? It was clever though, you weren't even suspected…" Squid asked and placed a new toothpick in his mouth.

"You know what this is?" Zigzag snapped," it's all a plot. This bloodsucker used his vampire powers to have the Warden get **her **here. Now this crazy phoenix is going to burn us all alive here, to get her revenge on the soul of Kissing Kate Barlow, while the Vampire bastard looks for treasure!" Everyone, even some passersby, just stared at him. Edan finally sat up and crossed her arms.

"And what are you going to do about it," she said as if humoring herself.

"I'm going to stop you!" Zigzag took a step back.

"How?" Artemis asked, more or less laughing at the insane boy.

"I'll kill you both! You'll see! I'll get you both before you get to me!"

"If I'm a phoenix, that means I'm immortal. And I continuously rise from my own ashes. How then, exactly, do you think you're going to kill me?" She was standing now and moving towards the crazy haired boy.

"I'll figure it out!" He exclaimed and took off, out of the tent. Edan continued to move forward. Her new cot was right by the door after all. She flopped down on her new bed and put her hands behind her head.

"So, how did you light it on fire?" Squid asked slowly. Edan grinned.

"Magic."

* * *

"What are you going here?" Artemis asked lowly. It had been a couple of hours since the fire, and Edan had just been located. She was, once again, on her new cot. "You must have other intentions—none of which actually involve protecting me!" 

"I'm here on the binding terms of a fairy contract. There are, as you are aware, objects here that are of great importance to the People. They have little to not trust in you, and have sent me as brute force to make sure everything ends up back in our hands," she said and pulled her red bandana over her eyes.

"So you **are **a fairy?" Artemis continued to inquire as he started to pace about the small area.

"Of sorts."

"And LEP actually let you above ground?" He asked in disbelief.

"I'm under contract with Section Eight actually. And I've never been below ground. My… usual area of residence coincidences with my… occupation. They do not require me below ground. Actually," her voice sounded almost amused, "I'm not sure I'm even allowed below ground. I would surely die, as would quite a few others."

"What exactly are you? What species?" The Irish boy asked suspiciously.

"Master Fowl, I am keeping you on a need to know basis. Who or what I am, well, that doesn't really concern you. You just tell me when you are ready to start searching. Now, I would like to take my nap. Go bother someone else."

""

"I know you guys think I'm crazy," Zigzag whined, "I'm not! Paranoia and Insanity are two very different things! I know! My dad's a psychologist!"

"Fine, Zig. You're not crazy. You going around though, yelling about Vampires and all, it isn't really helping your case," Z-ray said and took his show at the pool ball.

"Okay, maybe I exaggerated, bit still, something is not right!" Zigzag exclaimed and grabbed the moving balls. They had been ready to go into pockets too.

"Fine Zig!" X-ray said angrily, "what exactly do you want us to do?" Armpit was also looking very upset that his game had been interrupted.

"If they look too suspicious, then we interfere, the usually psychotic teenager said very seriously.

"Yeah, okay, whatever. Just let us finish our god damned game!" X-ray yelled. Zigzag nodded and let the balls roll.

"That boy better pray to **God **that they don't decide to look suspicious during a pool game. I swear, he'll be a hurtin' then," Armpit muttered and took his shot.

* * *

**t.b.p.: this is the review I posted myself, but I had to update so that this was actually seen by people. **

_Sighz Okay, cause I'm not sure when I'll update, I'm going to post my responses as a review... _

Grammar goth... I'm still not sure whether I'm going to delete your reviews cause they piss me off, or keep them as "constructive" criticism...

Kittiguin and guest-- sorry with the whole Girl goes to GL thing. I needed it for my plot. THERE MIGHT BE A THING WITH ONE OF THE D-TENT BOYS. I AM SO SORRY. But it's no one confessing their love for her... it's more or less just them fooling around, and her deciding she won't destroy the whole camp. THERE IS A REASON SHE IS THERE and it has to do with ARTEMIS AND THE FAIRIES. It's not like she commited a crime of murdering her abusive step father and then got sent there.

And no. They were not prepared for her, so they didn't bother giving her a tent. She could kick any of the guys' asses, so ti doesn't matter. Plus, she just set fire to her tent so she could be moved to Artemis's. Yeah.

Thanks for reviewing though... i think...

Something I forgot to add, about Artemis being too freely spoken, he's in a camp with juvinile boys. He doesn't care what he says. No one's going to believe him. And he doesn't care what they think of him, because he already thinks very lowly of them.

And the last reason... Because this is a fanfiction and this is how I am writing him. He may seem out of character, but I am not Eoin Colfer. There are going to be differences.

Thanks though for reviewing you guys.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

* * *

_Days had passed. They went slowly, but still they passed. I had found a possible location for the dig. It seemed all that was left to do was to get Edan to come out one night with me. The two of us could move a lot quicker than just one. If any of the boys woke and noticed our absence, mine especially, than my plans would surely be done for. _

"We're going out tonight," Artemis muttered to the only girl in the camp. She was sitting on a decrepit old rocking chair, her legs up on the Rec. Room banister, slowly pushing herself back and forth. Her red bandana was pulled over her eyes, so the Irish boy was unable to tell whether or not she was actually paying him any attention.

"Fine. Wake me up tonight when you decide it's safe," Edan replied with an irritated exhale of breath. She didn't move though; she continued to rock back and forth and back and forth. When Artemis realized that he wasn't going to get anything more out of her, he left.

As he was walking back to his tent, he was suddenly stopped by the psychotic Zigzag. He couldn't help but groan, wondering what insane theories he had today. "Well, come on. Let's hear it."

Zigzag watched him suspiciously before responding, "What were you saying to Edan? Planning your take over already?"

"All I asked her was how she was able to stand this unbearable heat, and looking completely relaxed while doing it," Artemis replied and rolled his eyes. "Anything else I can help you with?" Apparently not, as Zigzag turned and walked away before any more words were exchanged.

Sighing, Artemis continued back to his tent to lie down for a little while. If he were to head out tonight, then he wanted to be wide awake. It seemed that his nap wouldn't come however, as there were voiced from inside. He pushed open the flap to see both Caveman and Zero sitting on a cot, writing. It looked to the Irish boy that eh elder was teaching the younger the alphabet.

* * *

_After dinner, I explained the plan to Edan. We would meet outside of the tent, and I do mean meet, as we intended to leave the tents at separate times, and head back out to the wastelands. I felt that I had to worry a bit more than she, as the other boys would surely be more suspicious if they caught me in the process of leaving. _

_I was in luck, however, as a fight had broken out during dinner, and the others were forced to do extra cafeteria duty. They were already prepared to crash before the sun even fell. How lucky for me. They were asleep within an hour. I left first to check on the rest of the camp—to make sure that no one else would see us leaving._

_I thought I was in the clear. I didn't think anyone had seen me, and I have believed most everyone else to be asleep. As I stood, my back to the camp and facing the deser, the light of a flashlight startled me. _

"What are you doin' outta yer tent?!" Mr. Sir's voice came ringing out of the calming silence. The Irish boy turned around and shrugged, keeping his expression voice of all emotion.

"I couldn't sleep. I got up to walk around a bit," he replied, "why, am I no longer allowed to do that?"

"No, you ain't!" Mr. Sir snapped, "you ain't supposed to be outta yer tent after lights out!" Artemis knew it was futile to argue with the camp _councilor._ He was too much of an idiot to listen to logic or reason.

"Well then," Artemis started, "I guess I will just be on my way back to my tent."

"Oh no you don't! I'm tellin' the Warden on you! She'll be wanting to know you been out causing all sorts of ruckus!" Mr. Sir stepped forward and made to grab the wealthy Irish boy.

"There you are," another voice called out, causing both males to stop and turn. Edan stood, holding two water jugs. "Here, you left yours at the fountain." She walked over and handed off the water jug, "Did you hear that thunder too?"

"Yes," Artemis lied, seeing through the story easily, "but I don't think it will make it over that particular mountain. No rain for us, it seems."

"Good. I don't like lighting," Edan stated and started to head back to the tent, but called out as she walked, "you coming back to the tent or not?"

Mr. Sir looked thoroughly confused; Artemis imagined that the idea that he _wasn't_ causing trouble was just too much for him to comprehend. After all, if he was simply filling his water jug, and became sidetracked by phantom thunder, t hen Artemis was allowed to be out and about. It saved him the hassle of trying to talk his way out of trouble. "Well, good night Mr. Sir. I'm going to be off to bed now," water jug swinging at his side, Artemis walked to the tent. If seemed his plans for the night were ruined.

* * *

_Edan was already under the covers of her cot. I didn't feel the need to thank her, as she was really just doing her job. She had filled my jig though, t hat I noticed as I took a sip. She was at least a quick thinker. I lay back, rather irritated that I was unable to go searching for my treasure. I had almost sixteen months left though—I had time. _

_I woke to the blaring sound of the trumpet recoding and groaned. I had come to the realization that this was probably the worst experience I had ever had. I dressed and walked out to breakfast with the other boys. Edan was already outside. She was leaning against the Library_ _wall, eating her syrupy petal._

_I walked to her, my eyes boring holes into her skin until she finally looked up at me. _"Are we going to try again tonight?" _She asked me and yawned. My cold demeanor seemed to be totally disreguarded by her._

"No," _I replied, _"Marion will surely be on watch for us, or anyone, tonight. His existence revolves around getting us delinquents into trouble. We will go again in a few nights,"_ I finished and walked away._

* * *

_t.b.p.: I know it's been a while, and Ima sorry. I got this up though, and I do hope to eventually complete this. I hope you guys who have been reading continue to read, and send me more comments. Thanks._


	12. Chapter 12

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

"We're never going to get anywhere, not at this rate," Edan snapped and dropped to the edge of the hole she had been digging. Artemis stood over her, hands on his hips, telling her to dig faster. Though the female had managed, for the most part, to block him out, there were times when she took large dirt chucks at tossed them at the Irish boy. "It's not here. Your calculations are wrong."

"They are _not_ wrong!" Artemis pulled out neatly folded up piece of paper from the pocket of his orange uniform. He glanced over the numbers, tapping the paper with his index paper. No. He was sure his numbers were correct. "Perhaps I simply need to change the axis, which would put us. . ." He raised a brow as he turned around, his voice trailing off.

"Where the hell do we need to be, Fowl, you're really starting to piss me off," Edan growled and jumped up, facing in the same direction of the human. He was staring at the large structure of rock that seemed to be at least a mile away. "You're joking, right? That's more than a little miscalculation."

"No, it really isn't," he replied, not bothering to even disguise his irritation with his fairy protector, "my calculations are very complicated; nothing which a limited IQ being such as yourself could understand. I've taken the area of the lake and factored in the energy I could sense, then used a sort of depreciation formula to decide how powerful the sources are, since the one we're looking for is surely one of the oldest energies in this vicinity. It's very difficult, seeing as I'm unable to feel this power all of the time. It seems to come and go. . ."

"And you're supposed to be a genius?" She asked dully as she picked up her shovel to go back to the tents, "you can only feel the energy when the sun is reflecting off where-ever it's buried. Certain. . . artifacts respond to the sun. We need to be out digging during the day." Edan turned her back on him and started trudging back to camp. Artemis followed, but only after a few moments of watching her with narrowed eyes. How did she know when he could sense the energy?

_We had finally managed to sneak out of Marion's constant watch. He had fallen asleep, that idiot. I used a small pocket knife, which Edan had brought as a gift for me from Holly, to pick the lock on the Library. We took one shovel, as I did NOT plan on digging, and quickly headed for the first dig area—the one I had thought would be the most prominent. It was wrong. The only way I could figure that I had miscalculated was that some how managed to reverse a figure, and switch the coordinates. It's very possible, considering I don't have much time to sit down and do large portions of my problems, so I'm stuck doing small bits. _

_However, it really didn't matter. I was sure that we had to go searching on the cliff-like area now, but the problem was that Edan said we needed to do so during the day. How were we supposed to do that? There was no way we could do it in a day—it would take a few days, and we would, quite obviously, draw too much attention to ourselves. That was the issue I currently needed to work out. _

_By the time she and I made it back to camp, and she offered to return to shovel, we only had maybe an hour to get some sleep. My eyelids were heavy enough the moment I sat on my cot—sleeping wasn't going to be hard for me. I did notice, however, that Edan never returned from putting the shovel back in the Library._

The bugle sounded the next morning, waking Artemis up with a jolt. He groaned and started the same morning routine as the other boys. All of them were too tired to notice that Edan was not in her cot. The D-Tent boys pushed the flap out of their way and went to grab their pita bread breakfast and shovels. Not long after, they were led out to their dig site. To their surprise, the girl was already there and already digging.

"Now," Mr. Sir started as they all stopped, "I'm sure you're wondering why Miss girly is here already. I'll have you know that she decided to sneak out of camp last night after breaking into the Library. The warden and I decided that if she wanted to be out so badly then she could; she's been out here for about two hours now, digging her first hole. Yes, _first._ She gets to dig two, today, and none of you boys better help her, or you'll be punished with her—now get to work!"

Until Marion left, there was silence among the boys. As soon as he went to go back to camp to get everything ready for the water break, chatter broke out. "Edan, what were you thinking?" Magnet asked immediately, "sneaking out of camp? Did you think you wouldn't get caught?"

"No, what I want to know," Squid butted in, "was what the hell you left for? It ain't like there's anything out here!

"I know what you were doing," Zigzag said loudly, "you were coming out here to signal your spaceship so that your alien comrades could land and abduct us all. Then they could probe us and take over our brains, then use our bodies to help the vampire terrorists take over the pentagon!" Silence followed, as all of the boys stared at the blonde haired boy.

"Yeah," Edan spat, "that's _exactly_ what I was doing. Now shut it, and leave me alone. I'm pissed enough as it is. I'm about ready to snap, and the poor boy that pushes my limits isn't going to be able move for the next two weeks." The chatter continued, but none was directed towards the female. After a while though, a commotion broke out.

"Hey, X, I think I found something," Caveman called out from his hole. The boys simultaneously exited their own holes to surround the other boy. Edan, however, who had almost finished her hole, was curled up at the bottom, taking a nap. She didn't notice the fuss going on above her.

"It looks like a shot gun shell—"

"Naw, man, it's too skinny to be a shot gun shell. . ."

"It's like a gold bullet or something," X-Ray muttered and held it up to the light. Artemis quickly grabbed it from his hands and backed up, examining it closed. As he did so, all of the boys jumped up, ready to tackle him if he tried to take it.

"Don't worry, you can have it back," Fowl stated, his voice distant, "it's a tube of lipstick. Or it was, it's simply the tube _for_ lipstick now. Twelve carat gold, American made, style shows that it was probably made in the late 80's—that is to say, the 1880's, give or take a decade. High quality for the time period, and, judging by the K.B. inscribed on it, I would say it was probably a gift to a lady, rather than something she actually bought herself."

"Know a lot about lipstick do you, Fowl?" X-Ray asked with a smirk on his face. He grabbed Artemis and ripped the tube from his hands. The Irish boy put his hands up in front of himself, showing that he wasn't trying to fight for it.

"No, I just know a lot about gold," he replied, also with a smirk. "It's all yours, don't worry. That's not the sort of thing I'm after. Even if I were to clean it up, it may only fetch me a few thousand dollars." Artemis shrugged and went back to his hole, a small part of him satisfied with the shocked expressions he left behind him.

"Well then, I guess I might as well turn this in and get the rest of the day off," the boy with the amazingly thick glasses sighed. Caveman jumped out of his hole, shouting.

"No way, that's not fair! I mean, look at your hole, it's almost dug, and I'm no where near done—I'll be out here all day!"

"Yeah, so?" X-Ray asked, standing as tall as he could, trying to look intimidating. Even though Caveman was slightly taller, and probably heavier, he backed down.

"Well, I just mean that, well, what's the point of doing it so late in the day? Why don't you wait until tomorrow? Then you could have the entire day off. . ."

"Yeah. . . yeah, that's good thinking, Caveman. I'll do that," X-Ray said and pocketed the tube of lipstick. He walked back to his hole, and continued digging. An awkward silence befell the group. No one wanted to say anything to make X-Ray snap at any one of them, but a few, like Zero and Magnet, felt a bit of pity for Caveman. He found it, and he should have the reward. Then again, he wasn't willing to stand up for his claim either, so they guessed he deserved it.

When the Water truck pulled up for lunch, Artemis jumped into Edan's hole and placed a hand on her shoulder, shaking her. To his surprise, her hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. At first, he thought it was perhaps a joke, but when a searing pain started to creep up, his eyes widened. She wasn't even awake, and it seemed like her magic was protecting her. Fowl tried to pull back, but she wouldn't let go. He used his free hand to try to pry her fingers from his slender wrist, only to feel a similar pain. "Let. Go!" He shouted and jerked his hand away. Finally, it seemed like she woke up, and released him. Around the area in which she had grasped him, a burn had appeared. A similar burn also could be found on his fingers.

The boys had come over to the hole, watching with a little curiosity. "Nothing," Artemis croaked, "she just grabbed me in her sleep, and caught me off guard." They nodded and went back to doing their own thing. "What did you do to mean?" He hissed, holding his shaking hands out, palms facing up. But when he looked up to catch her eye, the Irish boy quickly backed up. Her eye color had changed from green to an almost gold shade. Without saying another word, he jumped out of her hole, not wanting to be the focus of any annoyance of hers.

""

_**t.b.p.: Wow. It's been over a year since I've updated. How about that? I think my writing has improved quite a bit, though I still make typos. I still do not proofread my stories. What can I say? Old habits die hard. I've been at work, and bored out of my mind, so I've been working on a few stories. I was never, ever, ever, planning on updating this, just so you all know. Then, one day, I saw that **__**A Bibliophile**__** had left me 834721039 reviews on this. I just had to update in response. I think I may actually finish this now. It's taken me how long, but I think I will. So thank you **__**A Bibliophile.**__** I would never have returned unless it was for you. So, in response to your reviews. . .**_

_**I don't hate holes. Why would I, if I'm writing about it? I love it! **_

_**The ending is going to be un-canon, but some parts will still be followed. **_

_**Artemis always looks like he either came out of a trial or out of a funeral. I chose the former, haha. No. Artemis can't make friends to save his life. He always thinks he's better than everyone. Honestly, I'm not so worried about al-Quida anymore. It's greedy child genii like himself who I really worry about. Vampire is what he will probably be called, but I don't think they will refer to him like that as much as the other boys. He will be Fowl or Vampire. Edan doesn't get one. She's not that cool. He will use his powers, don't worry! I 3 Ziggy. You're right, he wouldn't have freaked out. If I wrote that, I'm terribly sorry! I guess I wasn't thinking straight! Or I was trying to update way too fast and misguided his character!! I'm so sorry!! She absolutely won't be a Mary-Sue. As I said, they make me want to eat my own brains. Yes, guys are most definitely pervs. He would have made his bed if he wasn't so tired. He is a perfectionist, but not OCD like Zig is. THANK YOU SO MUCH BIBLIOPHILE!!**_

_**Everyone else. . . review!**_


	13. Chapter 13

Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

Artemis scurried out of Edan's hole and back to his own. He had tossed his gloves off to get his lunch, but now, he regretted doing so. The technological makeup of the fairy gloves may have protected him from the other. . . being's. . . magic. It was too late now; now he was in excruciating pain. He masked it as well as he could, but even so, his pain still showed through. "You okay, vampy boy?" Armpit asked, sanding over Artemis and biting into an apple.

"Fine. My blisters are simply killing me," he replied, his tone cold. The much larger boy shrugged.

"I was just asking dude. Don't worry, they'll turn to callous soon." Armpit turned away, lucky for Artemis. As he did, blue sparks spit out from the wounds the Irish boy had just received. The magic, his magic, came as a much needed relief, as it sent a numbing sensation through his hands and wrist. He sighed and shut his eyes. It felt like putting Aloe Vera on a bad sunburn: wonderful, but it only lasted for a short amount of time. He could only suppose that it was because he was only a human with accidental magic abilities. Still, the small healing was enough to allow himself to continue his hole. He opened his eyes, only to meet a pair of wide, blue orbs. Zigzag was crouched down, sitting on the balls of his feet, watching Artemis intently.

"You really _are_a vampire! With super human healing abilities!" The blonde boy whispered, more to himself than to Artemis. He quickly backed up, getting as far from the Irish boy as possible. Zigzag practically dived into his hole, kneeling down so that only his eyes were visible along the rim as he continued to stare at the raven haired boy.

"As insane as ever," Artemis replied, loud enough for Zigzag to hear. It provoked absolutely no response however, and he continued to simply stare. . . He knew what he saw, but he also knew that the other boys would never believe him. He thought it best to keep his actual witnessed account to himself, at least, for the time being.

They all finished their lunch, all except Edan, who never actually took lunch, and went back to digging. Zigzag was moving at a snail's pace, as he frequently stopped to observe what Artemis was doing. He, meaning the blonde boy, still had not finished his hole as the others were leaving. X-Ray, Zero, and Magnet were the first to leave, followed by Armpit and Squid. Zigzag, Artemis, Caveman, and Edan, who was working on her second hole, were the only few left.

Zigzag finished, but he didn't leave. He sat in his hole, making it look like he was playing with a few strangely shaped rocks until both Caveman and Artemis jumped out of their holes. He peeked out of his to see the vampire boy looking at him with suspicion. The blonde glared at him before ducking back below the surface of the ground. Footsteps could be heard, as could the sound of two shovels dragging along the rocky dirt. When he decided they were far enough away, he got out of his hole and went to stand over Edan, his head cocked to the side.

"You're still here?" She muttered, not looking up. She had about half of her second hole left to go, and it was already getting close to dinner.

"You're going really slowly," he stated and sat down on the edge of her hole.

" I'm not feeling well."

"Why not?"

"Why do you have to ask so many questions?" Edan snapped and turned around to face him. He made a strange, scrunched up face and crossed his arms across his chest.

"I didn't. I asked one," he said, "you don't look like the Vampire at all. You're not pale or creepy—mean, but not creepy." Edan rolled her eyes and continued digging. "Did you know the Vampire before you came here?"

Zigzag was absolutely set on figuring out what was going on around him and the other boys. They were left out of the loop on something, and he didn't like it. He knew that asking Fowl would be useless, as the boy had proven himself to be too intelligent to simply give away information without carefully analyzing what he was saying. The girl, well, Zigzag doubted she was stupid, but she was more likely to be careless.

No matter what the others thought of him, Zigzag also wasn't an idiot. He was quite smart, actually, but his strangeness sometimes overshadowed that aspect of himself. He wasn't a genius, he may not know everything about everything, but he knew how to observe people. And what he observed from those two made absolutely no sense.

"No, I never met the freak before coming here," Edan snapped and tossed her shovel down. She leaned against the side of her hole opposite of Zigzag and put her head in her hands.

"You think he's weird too?" The blonde boy asked, his brow raised, "are you okay?"

"I told you, I'm not feeling well, and yes, I do. Why the hell is an Irish kid here? If he did something as serious as breaking into government files, this isn't the place they would send him. Either he's lying, or he pulled a ton of strings to get here." Suddenly, perhaps foolishly, Zigzag started to have much more faith in the girl. She seemed to share his suspicion.

"You're the first person to admit something is wrong with the kid, other than me," Zigzag commented.

"He's weird, no two ways about it," Edan sighed and looked up at the sky. They were quiet for a few moments, when the blonde noticed something a bit strange with her as well. They way she looked at the now reddish orange sky was almost with complete longing. He had seen her do it before.

"You like to look at the sky. You do it a lot," he said, trying his best to be casual. If he sounded like he was suspicious of her too, he bet that she would become very defensive. He had learned plenty from dealing with all of the psychologists he had been examined by.

"Ever wish you could just. . . grow wings and escape? Wouldn't it be nice to be like a bird? You could fly away and never come back," she replied, her voice a bit distant. She turned to pick up her shovel with a smirk, "sounds crazy, right?"

"I don't think it's crazy. I guess I'm not one to talk though."

"You admit you're crazy?" She asked, "then you're not. Crazy people don't know they're crazy, right? You just have an overly imaginative mind."

One on one, she didn't seem like a terribly bad person. He still didn't trust her. Maybe she was just being cooperative because she was feeling sick. Maybe it was because she knew that no one else would believe him if he even tried to convince the boys that she wasn't being sarcastic and cold. He stood up and went to grab his own shovel, ready to head back.

"The Vampire was out of camp last night too. It's not fair that you're the only one punished."

"I was the only one caught," she sighed and roughly jammed her shovel back into the dirt.

"You should have turned him in," Zigzag commented and walked away, not leaving her enough time to answer. She shrugged. Perhaps she should have.

""

"Dude, Zig, what took you so long? Even Fowl and Caveman beat you back," Armpit asked, hitting the cue ball on the pool table. Zigzag had just walked, and, judging by wet state of his blonde hair, they could tell he had taken a shower. He walked passed them and shrugged, sitting down on the couch in front of the broken television.

"Yeah, that's right, go be your crazy self alone in the corner," X-Ray muttered and rolled his eyes.

On the tattered sofa, where Zigzag sat, he stared off at the television. It wasn't as though he actually liked to watch it, it just freaked people out to think he was making something of the static coming in. It didn't help his reputation, but it helped when he wanted to just be left alone. Typically, no one would bother him. "I'm not crazy," he muttered to himself, "I just have an overly imaginative mind."

""

"You know, you could at least heal me," Artemis said to Edan as she walked in to their tent. She had returned to camp, skipped dinner to take a shower in the warden's cabin, and went right back to their tent, where she collapsed on her cot.

"I didn't turn you in for being out, can't that be good enough?" She asked, her voice muffled through her pillow.

"No. Heal me," Artemis snapped and held his injuries out above her head.

"I can't."

"What do you mean, 'I can't?' You're a fairy, of course you can!" He reached down to try to flip her over, but pulled his hand back after touching her. She was incredibly hot—literally. He was sure that, had he held his hand to her skin, she probably would have given him another burn.

"Don't you learn? Don't touch me. And I can't, simply as that," Edan said and turned on her side, her back to the Irish boy.

"It is _not_ as simple as that. You are here as my guard, and yet you're causing me pain! It's your job to heal me!"

Edan snapped up and turned around, putting distance between the two of them. "Let's get a few things straight—I'm here to protect you from _them._ If you're stupid enough to touch me, then that's your own fault. Have you not noticed that I have not touched a single person this entire time I've been here? I thought you were supposed to be a genius," she spat, "and second of all, I'm not like the other damned fairies you've encountered, okay? I'm cursed, and I can't do everything that I used to do. Didn't you wonder why I look like a regular human? I honest-to-frond _can't_ heal you. Got it? Now, I feel like I'm going to be sick, so if you will, leave me hell alone."

Artemis backed up, a bit astonished by her outburst, and went to his cot. She laid back down, and, presumably, passed out. He grabbed his satellite phone from his stash of things, and quickly opened a message to send to Holly Short.

_Short, H._

_Who the hell did you send me?_

_A.F.II_

""

_**t.b.p.: how about that? Another update, just a day after my last! What did you think? Let me guess, you didn't like how it had a lot to do with Edan. I promise, this should be the only chapter with a ton of her until the ending. I thought that I should probably give a little more about her fairy background, so that you all understood that she has a serious reason for being there, not just the Girl Goes to Camp Green Lake reason. **_

_**In response to the reviews. . .**_

_**Tracie, thank you for not holding the whole girl thing against me. I'm sure I did manage to lose a few readers the moment Edan was entered. **_

_**Bibliophile, the healing will take longer because he is sort of only 'half-magic', so to speak. But he will be able to eventually. **_

_**EQ777, how was this 24-hrs-later? But perhaps this didn't help your curiosity at all, heh.**_

_**And finally, Bunnies Will Kill Us All. . ., I'm glad you hate Edan. She's really not supposed to be much of a likable character. She based much after myself, and I can be a real bitch! She's a girl you're meant to dislike. Artemis and Ziggy should be loved. Cause I do love them. If you ever do write a fic about them, I would love to read it, haha.**_

_**Everyone else, REVIEW! (If I get enough, perhaps I will update tomorrow as well, .)**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

"C'mon, wakey, wakey, sugar cakey," Armpit said and nudged the edge of Edan's cot, "girl, you gotta get up. Mr. Sir's gonna have a fit if he has to come in and get you moving." The same recording of the morning bugle had sounded minutes earlier, waking the boys up from their wonderful slumber. However, as they started to get ready for the day of digging ahead of them, they had noticed that the girl wouldn't wake.

"Chika, get up. You know what he'll say, 'this ain't no girl scout camp.' You know don't get beauty sleep here," Magnet added, shaking the springs of her cot roughly.

"Yeah, Mag, but you're the one who needs beauty sleep. Step aside, I'll wake her up," Squid announced and popped a toothpick into his mouth. He stomped over to her bedside and leaned over her. He started to pull the sheet back, but stopped before he could pull it the entire way back, "what the—she's burning up!"

Artemis rolled his eyes and pull on his jumpsuit, the horrid thing. As he had discovered the previous night, Edan always felt like she had a terribly bad fever: her body temperature was naturally much higher than a human's. Though he wasn't exactly sure why, the Irish boy was rather confident that it was because of whatever type of fairy she was. Obviously, it had something to do with heat and fire. She had lit up her previous tent, she wasn't affected by the almost extreme heat of Greek Lake, and whatever sort of magic she used had burned Artemis rather badly the day before. He wasn't concerned for her and her illness though; she was probably trying to get out of digging holes.

"She's sweating like crazy, and she looks pale," Zigzag said from the back of the group where he was peering, "she said she wasn't feeling well yesterday. I don't think she ate at all either."

"We'll go get Mr. Sir," Caveman called out as he exited the tent, the silent Zero following closely on his heel. Artemis watched them leave before joining the crowd around Edan's cot. She did look rather sickly, even by Artemis's diagnosis. She was much paler than usual, her hair was matted to her neck and cheeks, and she even seemed to have the chills. What was most unusual, in the Irish boy's opinion, was the fact that not only was she warm, but she was bearable to touch. No burns had appeared on Squid's hands, and he had felt her forehead directly. So she wasn't really _burning up_ as much as she was _cooling down._

"Break it up, break it up," the Warden, who was still dressed in a nightgown, entered into the tent, followed by Mr. Sir, Caveman, with Zero bringing up the rear. "Mr. Sir, can you _please_ get these delinquents out of here?"

"Alright you girl scouts," Marion clapped his hands together, "get out there and get yer breakfast before the buzzards do!" He started moving forward, trying to usher the group of boys outside and away from the sick girl.

"Yeah, right, like them buzzards would touch that crap," Squid muttered to Magnet who laughed, but was then consequently yelled at by Mr. Sir. The line of boys piled through the tent flap, all muttering. Artemis the last of the boys to exit since he was trying, intentionally, to be as slow as possible. The two adults were analyzing the situation before them.

"Think we should call the medics? They could get here by the evening," Sir muttered and poked at the unconscious girl, "she's burning up real good, she is."

"No. . . Barf Bag's snake bite was ont thing, but she's just got a little fever. She's probably dehydrated. We'll get her into the air conditioning and make sure she drings lots of water. She'll be fine," the Warden said with her hands on her hips. "You get Pandanski and get her moved into my cabin."

"As you say," Marion muttered, "but the boys never get dehydrated. . ."

"Well, boys and girls are different! Get moving!"

""

"Think she'll be okay?" Caveman asked as the boys started to walk out to their dig site. They had seen Mr. Sir and Pendanski trying their best to move the unconscious girl, but it was more of a comedy routine than anything. They were terribly uncoordinated.

"She'll be fine, no one's died from a fever in who knows how long," X-Ray said and rolled his eyes, "but hey, I'll check up on her when I get my day off, okay?" The boys groaned as they remembered the African American boy's plan. He would get to relax for an entire day, while they were in the hot sun, digging away.

_I barely listened to the other boys' useless chatter. I was more concerned with my bodyguard's condition. Not that I was particularly concerned with __**her**__ health, but more of the fact that if something happened to her, I would have to find a replacement. Though that wasn't an entirely bad idea, since she annoyed me to no end and she wasn't a very good guard, but if she was the best that Butler and Holly could find, then I would be in a spot of trouble. _

_Speaking of Holly . . . I was hoping that she had replied to my text message. Hopefully when I got back from digging my hole I would be able to check my phone without anyone seeing me. Holes. . . I never wanted to see another hole in my life. I swore to God that no matter what the hole was, whether it was in Swiss cheese or a round well, I would never go near one again. On top of that, if I ever needed one dug, I would pay someone else to do it for me, even if it was as small as a foot __**in diameter**__and a foot __**in depth.**_

_We started our digging at the same slow pace as always. After about an hour and a half, X-Ray, who was digging especially slow, called out to Pendanski, who had just arrived with the water truck. Those of us whom knew about Caveman's discovery rolled our eyes at the poor acting skills of D-Tent's unofficial leader. _

"Hey, look what I found! Hey Ma, I think I found something!" The short counselor walked over and examined the find, "it's like—like a golden bullet or something." Artemis shook his head in irritation as he heard the boy totally disregard the information he had told them the day before about the tube of lipstick.

"Let's call the Warden and see what she thinks," Pendanski said after a bit and walked back to the water truck to grab his walky-talky. "Hey, Lou, I've got something out here—"

"—something nice!"

"—I've got something nice."

""

About an hour after the boys headed out on the barren wastelands of the lake to dig, Edan's eyelids, still heavy, opened. She sat up and looked around sluggishly, noticing that she was in the Warden's cabin. She should know; she showered in there practically everyday. The Warden never minded her being around, in fact, she was usually very friendly. Edan wasn't sure if that was because she took pity on the girl who had to dig holes, or because the fact that she had been mesmered to accept the female delinquent.

"I see you're awake," said the Warden from the corner of the room. The younger girl just nodded, placing a hand to her head. She had an incredible headache. "There's water in the pitcher over there—" she pointed to a table with some glasses, "so drink up. We don't need you giving us another scare. I knew it was just dehydration. These boys don't know how much water we need in a day, do they?"

Though she really didn't need the water, Edan complied and stood, taking one of the glasses. She filled it with the cool liquid before slowly starting to sip on it. "Should I go out and join the boys?"

"No, you just rest in here for a little while. I heard you dug two holes yesterday, so if you miss, it's not a big deal," the Warden continued on. She busy painting her nails, and never bothered to look at the girl. Edan was sure of it though—she was under the influence of magic.

"Okay, I'll just stay here. . ." She walked back to the couch on which she had been reclined on and sat back down, working on finishing her drink. She would thank who ever cast the mesmer on the red head. It made things much easier for Edan.

About a half hour later, a call came in over the radio located in the Warden's office. _"We've found something—something nice."_ The Warden jumped up from her spot, ignoring the fact that some of her nails _still_ were not dry. She picked up her radio and responded, telling Pendanski that she would be there as soon as she could, which, Edan judged from her tone, would be _very _soon.

"Should I come with you?" Edan stood and asked as the woman ran around, searching for her shoes.

"I think that's for the best. You may have to dig after all, I'm sorry to say. Let's keep our fingers crossed that whatever they found really is something nice, or I'll be a very unhappy woman," the Warden replied and grabbed her keys from the holder next to the door. She tossed one of the cowboy hats that had been littering the coat rack onto her head and threw open the door. The delinquent girl in orange followed behind her. She had to admit to herself, she was a bit curious as to what everyone seemed to be so excited over.

Strangely, Edan thought she had heard X-Ray's voice coming over the radio as well, and that surprised her. She didn't think he would ever find anything, what with his incredibly thick, and usually dirty, glasses and all. She didn't realize that this was all a result of the commotion she barely heard while she napped the day before. She also didn't realize that the silly little tube of lipstick that had been found was the cause of her sudden bout of sickness.

""

_**t.b.p.: I'm sure for some people, the plot is still hard to see. I'm working on what I wrote a year to almost two years ago, and I'm not happy with it. My writing style has changed drastically and has improved a bit. I don't remember what my original plan was, so I'm writing what I remember from that time, and tweeking the ending. There are some details that I just can't remember, and it's absolutely killing me because they were vital to the story. I'll work through it though, and I WILL finish this. Even if it is the last thing I do.**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

Edan hopped into the Warden's car and the only two women in the entire juvenile facility took off in the direction of the D-Tent boys. Country music blared in the speakers, giving the fairy girl a worse headache than she already had. She also noticed that, as they neared the area in which _something nice_ had been found, she became more and more lightheaded. When they finally stopped, she practically leapt from the car to sit on the ground and will the sickness away.

The Warden took the lipstick tube and examined it carefully, "this where you found it?"

"Yes, ma'am," X-Ray said proudly. It seemed he had even managed to fool himself into thinking he actually was the one who found it. A few of the boys, Artemis was one of them, let out a rather inconspicuous cough, letting the leader of D-Tent know that he was still filled with bull shit.

"Dr. Pendanski, please take X-Ray back to camp, give him extra shower tokens, and a snack. But first, fill everyone's canteens!" The Warden turned to go back to her car, moving the tube between her fingers, when the Doctor replied. _Stupid man,_ Artemis thought and shook his head.

"I already did."

"Excuse me?" The redhead woman turned on her heel and walked over to Pendanski. She towered over the rather pathetic man, who coward before her.

"I had already filled the canteens before you got here," he tried to say.

"Excuse me? Did I ask when you last filled them?" Most of the boys, at this point, took a step back, just to put a bit more distance between them and her.

"No, you didn't. . ."

"Do you think it might be possible that these boys have taken a drink since then?"

"It's possible," the doctor's voice became less and less steady as she continued her verbal attack on the poor guy.

"You, Vampire boy," she pointed to Artemis and waved for him to come over with his canteen, "have you taken a drink since your canteen was filled?"

"I have madam," the Irish boy replied, dropping his shovel in his hole and walking over to the Warden, "we all have. It's the first thing we do after our canteens have been replenished."

"You see?" She turned back to Pendanski and took Artemis's water bottle. She started to shake it violently. "Can you hear the empty spaces?"

"Yes, I can hear," Pendanski replied dryly, glaring at Fowl. He had already disliked the boy for making a fool of him during the _therapy_ sessions, but not he disliked him even more.

"Fill it." The Warden threw the jug at the short man, who caught it and, while grumbling, stomped back to the back of the water truck and started to fill the container to the brim.

After everyone had their canteens filled, they were told to start digging deeper and wider. The Warden would dictate when their day was over since they no longer had a certain goal to meet. Pendanski got into the truck to go back to camp, and X-Ray went along with him. "Y'all behave now, ya hear?" He said to the boys, his voice filled completely with sarcasm. They only glared at him and shook their heads.

"Edan," the woman called, "how're you feelin?" The only response was a shake of the head. "Just sit there then until you feel well enough to dig." This only irritated the boys further. Not only had X-Ray gotten out of a day of work, but now Edan seemed to as well. That was not the case.

After lunch, the girl stood and took the shovel the leader of D-Tent had left behind. She walked over to Artemis's hole and jumped in, widening it with him. "She basically gave you permission to sit out today, and yet here you are. Are you an idiot?" The Irish boy asked as she started chipping away at the wall. "I see you're feeling better—more like yourself at least," he snapped and threw a shovel full of dirt outside of the hole.

"There's nothing here," she finally replied.

"Of course not, that lipstick tube was found at the dig site yesterday, not at this one. We're looking in the wrong place. I wouldn't want to tell the Warden that, however, or else she will get whatever is buried there, rather than us," stated Artemis. He was rather annoyed that Caveman might have accidentally stumbled upon the treasure that they had been looking for.

"It was found yesterday?"

"Well yes, of course," he snapped, "don't you pay attention to anything? Caveman found it yesterday but gave it to X-Ray out of fear. He told him to turn it in today so that he could get the entire day off, and that was exactly what he did. This is all pointless."

Edan fell silent, deep in thought. Artemis was rather glad she did, since he didn't want to talk to her much either. After a while, and after a very large dirt pile had formed to one side of the hole they now shared, she finally spoke up, much to his annoyance. "That tube is cursed."

"What exactly is it with you and curses? Everything is cursed to you, isn't it? _This is cursed, that is cursed. . ._" He was losing his cool. It seemed that after being in the hot sun for so long, and being away from people with an IQ above 120 had started to take its toll. He needed to get out of the camp from hell.

"It is. You couldn't feel it?" She asked, still digging away. She was staring off and not really paying attention to what was around her, "I suppose not, since you're still human. It's a curse to ward off fairies. X-Ray had that all night, didn't he? That was what made me sick. When I wasn't around it, I started to feel better. As soon as I got here though, I started to feel like I was going to pass out. The Warden left to take the tube back to her cabin, and since then, I've been fine. I'm telling you, it was cursed."

After thinking it over for a few moments, Artemis stopped his digging and turned to face her. She might have been on to something. "Okay. So, say that I believe you," he said, "does that mean that I can't feel anything that's cursed because I'm human?" She shook her head.

"You can't feel anything that doesn't have magical properties. You're not a fairy, so you don't feel the curse. The energy you do feel comes from the fairy artifacts that have been cursed. You know what, forget the whole curse thing. It's not important to you since it doesn't affect you at all. It only affects me," she said and sighed. A few more moments of silence came but passed. This time, it was Artemis that spoke.

"Does that mean that you can't feel any of the objects because of the curse?"

"Yeah," she replied, "unless I'm close to the item. The curse is meant to keep fairies from finding whatever it is that it's protecting. You can feel the energy at times from long distances away. I can't. Not until I'm really close."

"Then. . ." he paused for a moment before looking at her through narrowed eyes, "then how did you know that I could only feel the artifacts when they were reflecting in the sunlight? How did you know that the artifacts responded to the sun if you can't feel any of them?"

"I just know."

""

Both decided to cut off the conversation and continue later after Zigzag passed by their hole. They didn't want any stray ears to hear the strange discussion they were having. What they did _not_ know was that someone had already heard them. He had been taking a break, leaning against the dirt pile dividing his hole from the Vampire's hole. He could hear the conversation they were having. Fairies? Curses? _'. . . Since you're still human. . .' _ Something was not right about two his tent mates. And he had foolishly thought that he could trust Edan after his conversation with her the day before. How wrong he was. . . She was taking him for a fool.

Zigzag didn't like when people took advantage of him. He had been dealing with such people for a very long time—people who took sick pleasure out of his bit of craziness. Not this time though. He would be sure to find out what they were up to, and he would disrupt their plans. He stood from his spot and walked by, heading over to grab a wheelbarrow. He wanted to move the dirt that separated him from _them._

A few days had come and passed. Nothing was ever turned up from their rigorous dig, and the Warden was not at all happy. On top of that, the D-Tent inhabitants were not sleeping well. Armpit lost a week's worth of shower tokens for a stupid _joke_ he had tried to pull on the irritated redhead. Their tent reeked. Finally, one morning came when Mr. Sir announced that they would all be returning to the digging of individual holes. There were many groans, but a few were relieved. They would be able to return to camp earlier since they only had to complete their own hole.

Things seemed to return to normal. They all awoke each morning, headed out to the dig site, and then did one hole each. Nothing eventful happened. Ever. Until about a week after they had stopped digging as a group at least. Zero had been helping Caveman dig his hole each day, and Artemis new it was because the older boy was teaching the younger boy to read. The other boys didn't believe that, and they disliked how Caveman got out of a bit of work. A fight eventually broke out, leading to a few unfortunate events.

""

_**t.b.p.: you know, I realized that I forgot to talk about the reviews for 13 in 14. Opps! I'll just have to do it on 15 and merge any reviews I get for 14 onto here. . . See, I wrote 14 directly after 14, and had yet to have reviews at the time. I posted 14 without editing my note! Anyhow, here we go. . .**_

_**CaiusLover, thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you like my story!**_

_**EQ777, I'm really sorry! I knew that something like that would happen! I could rush the story, but then I think I would leave out too many details that would just make the ending more understandable. As for Ziggy. . . Well, he will play a decent part, more than the other D-Tenters, but I haven't decided how much. I keep flip-flopping on what sort of role I should give him!**_

_**Bibliophile, Zigs keeping his info to himself. He's trying to put as much together as he can before he decides on a plan of action. Confrontation with Artemis. . .well, you'll see what he does. He has his own way of doing things, and that way may be a bit irrational for most people, but it's Zigzag after all. **_

_**Now for Chapter 14,**_

_**I'm sorry I made a mess of the Women Evil equation, guest. Please forgive me. I was young and stupid when I wrote that XD.**_

_**EQ777, I hope your "what's going on" isn't a **_**lost**_** sort of statement. I'm really, really sorry if this is all too hard to follow. I know I'm jumping around a ton, and the older parts may sometimes cause confusion with the newer ones. I hope you can also forgive me for that.**_

_**Everyone else. . . REVIEW!!**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

"Hey _Stanley,_" X-Ray said from above Caveman's hole. Zero was in the hole digging while Caveman took a break and was eating an apple, "it must be nice, having your own personal slave and all." Artemis watched with little interest from the corner of his eye. He didn't care much about what they were going on about. Personally, he thought that it was acceptable, since they were trading skills in a way. However, no one else had seen the private lessons taking place while everyone else was playing pool in the Rec. Room.

"If I give you my cookie, will you let me dig your hole too?" Zigzag, who had joined the crowd, asked and crouched down. Caveman muttered something along the lines of 'get out of here,' but Artemis couldn't tell for sure. "He doesn't want the cookie. Here, _take it,_" he pushed the graham cracker in the other boy's face. He pushed Zigzag's arm out of the way, but didn't hit him back.

"Well, go on Stanley," Pendanski said from a few yards away, "hit him back."

"Yeah, _Stanley, _teach him a lesson," one of the other boys said. Caveman, feeling very peer pressured, stood and rather gently pushed Zigzag. Now, the blonde boy might have been tall and almost lanky, but he was much stronger than he looked. He pushed the other boy back, and a brawl broke out.

The two were duking it out in one of the partially dug holes. Caveman was getting the crap beaten out of him, having never actually been in a fight before. Out of one of the other holes came Zero, who jumped onto Zigzag's back. He wrapped one arm around the larger kid's neck, starting to crush his wind pipe. "That's enough!" Pendanski yelled, but no one paid him any mind. The blonde boy was starting to lose consciousness from the lack of air. The counsoler was in the truck, searching for his gun to break it up, but was taking too long.

Artemis saw a blur orange as Edan came from the side of him and jumped on Zero. She put both of her hands on either one of his arms, and right away the Irish boy knew what she was doing. Her brief touch was enough to slightly burn the child, causing him to cry out in shock and let go. He scrambled away and stood up, looking at his forearms. It felt, to him, that he had suddenly got bad sunburn in just two places.

"I said, _that's enough,_" Pendanski snapped, gun now in hand. The boys were crowded around the three, helping Zigzag up. "We need to get the Warden out here."

The all stood in a line as the redhead woman pulled up in her car. She got out, absolutely fuming. "Now, what did you cow turds do now?"

"Madam," Artemis interjected first, "there was a bit of a physical dispute. Both Caveman and Zigzag were pushing each other around a bit, and, when it seemed that Zigzag was going to cause some serious harm, Zero jumped onto his back and started to suffiocate him. He could have caused some severe damage, had Edan not pulled Zero off of Zigzag."

"Of course, it takes a female to think clearly," the Warden said and put her hand on her hips, "well, why were they fighting?" Her tone indicated that she clearly thought that her question should have been answered in Artemis's explanation.

"Well the heat just got to the kid's head," Zigzag spoke up, almost defending Zero, "and Caveman just sits around and does nothing. . ."

"Excuse me?" The Warden quickly snapped, "Caveman digs his holes just like everyone else."

"Sometimes. . ."

"Excuse me?"

"Ma'am—" it was Squid who decided to explain this time. "Zero here has been digging part of Caveman's hole every day for the past week." The redhead woman turned to Stanley this time, bearing down on him for an answer.

"I'm—I'm teaching him to read. He's helping me dig so I'm not too tired to teach him after," he said, shaking a bit.

"Well it's no wonder he snapped. It's too much stress on his little brain. No more reading lessons," Pendanski said simply, as though it solved everything.

"What? Why? I'll dig my own hole from now on, but why can't I teach him to read? He's a smart kid! He just needs some help!" Caveman shouted, suddenly feeling not so frightened of the Warden.

"Why? It fries his empty little head, that's why!" The Doctor said and leaned down to Zero, who had stayed silent, holding his shovel tightly. "Hey Zero, what does D-I-G spell?" There was no response from the boy. "See what I mean? You can't—" Pendanski didn't have a chance to finish. Zero had smacked him in the face with the head of the shovel.

"Dig!" Still holding his shovel, he took off running in some random direction, far away from the rest of the boys.

"Go Zero!" Caveman yelled out enthusiastically. Artemis stood by, leaning on his shovel, shaking his head. That was not a smart thing to do at all. . . however. . . he immediately stood up straight. Maybe he could use this to his advantage.

"I want 'round the clock guards on all water sources. He won't last very long out there," the Warden said and picked up Zero's fallen canteen. She twisted open the cap and poured it over Pendanski's face. He stood, muttering something about _mommy _and _Ireland_. "I still expect nine holes."

_I returned to the tent that evening to find that it was completely empty. Without Caveman trying to teach Zero to read, no one had any reason to be in there. Well, that and the fact that the Warden had just left from clearing out any trace of the young boy. None of the boys would dare cross her, especially while she was so angry. I waited around until I could enter and went straight to my cot. I dug out my phone from my mess of personal belongings, hoping that __**maybe**__ Holly had decided to respond. I had sent her a message over a week ago, and she had yet to respond._

_She did._

_However, I was not at all satisfied with the answer I had received. _

_A.F.II_

_I cannot disclose that information. Sorry._

_Short_

_If I had been a lesser person, I probably would have thrown my phone at something in frustration. I was not. I gripped it tightly in my hand before putting it away. Though it was a very brief message, I couldn't help but think that it was a bit __**too**__ formal for my P.I. Fairy. Something greater was going on around me, and I didn't particularly like being left out of the loop._

""

Two days passed by and there was no sign of Zero. "Man, them buzzards have probably picked him clean by now. . ." Armpit said as they all looked out over the wastelands. Caveman shook his head and jumped out of his hole. He walked to Artemis's and sat down on the edge. The Irish boy glared up at him.

"Can I help you?" He asked coldly, not stopping his digging.

"Yeah. There is. You've had a life of crime. Do you know how to steal a car?" Artemis was forced to look up at the other teenage boy, a brow raised.

"That depends. Why are you asking?"

"I want to take the water truck to Zero. I'm sure he's still alive out there, somewhere," Caveman asked honestly.

"Now," Fowl started, leaning against the back of his hole, "first, even if I can steal a car, can you drive it? The water truck is a stick, I noticed. Second, what makes you think I would help you? I thought you were smarter than that. Everything I do, I do for my own gain. What sort of merit would helping you steal the truck get me?"

"I—I don't know," Caveman muttered, "I just need some help, I can't do it all on my own. Do you really not care if a kid dies out there from dehydration or something? The Warden won't send out a search party until it's too late. We're Zero's only hope." Though Artemis felt a bit bad, he wasn't ready to let go of his entire operation because of the stupidity of one boy. Then again. . . it was possible that it could all work in his favor. After all, Edan _did_ say that they needed to do their searching during the day.

"Of course I care," the Irish boy replied, smiling brightly. It was quite obvious that it was very fake and very forced. It simply did not belong on his vampiric features. "Not only will I steal you the water truck, but I'll drive it as well. I'm just going to have to go with you. Does _anyone else_ want to join in on this escapade?" He spoke loudly, catching Edan's attention. She looked up and caught on.

"I'll go," she shrugged and put her arms on top of her head, "if I die, I die. It's not like I have any family to miss me." It was true. As a fairy of her species, she wasn't born the _typical_ way. Technically, she had no family, and no attachments. "Anyone else?"

"You guys can't be serious," Squid responded. The boys halted their digging and looked around at each other. "You guys are going to either die out there or be killed by the Warden and Mr. Sir. You're seriously going to risk that?"

It was Artemis's turn to shrug, "well, surely if I disappear there will be a full on investigation and Camp Green Lake will be shut down. Then you boys will be released. Even better, you may all receive shortened sentences because of the circumstances involving this camp and its dangers. Furthermore, should we make it back with Zero, I'll get in touch with my attorneys, explain to them that they were going to let the poor kid die, and the Camp is still closed down. You guys win either way. All we really need is your secrecy."

"Fine then, I won't tell no body, just leave me out," Squid said and shook his head.

"Agreed. We won't say nothing."

"A plan will be needed of course. However, it goes with out saying that, when we do manage to have a chance to steal the truck, a distraction will be needed. I trust you all can find a way to do that, won't you? With the dimwits whom work here, it shouldn't be too difficult."

"Well, why can't you just tell your lawyers now, richy rich?" X-Ray asked, temporarily referring to the name he had initially started calling Fowl by.

"Because," Caveman interjected slowly, "the Warden got rid of Zero's information. Unless we can get him back here, it's like he never came to Camp Green Lake at all. The Warden's counting on him not coming back—"

"—to keep the authorities from a hold of a scandal. We would either need Zero himself or habeas corpas," the Irish boy stated and went back to digging the hole.

"Habes what?"

"Habeas corpas," Zigzag said, "produce the body."

""

_**t.b.p.: what do you guys think? Am I dragging this out too much? I mean, it would be possible for me to wrap this up in like three chapters, but I think it would lose some of its style. Plus, who wants to read a rushed story, right? If you guys think that I'm letting time pass at a snails pace, let me know and I will speed it up (depending on how many people respond with a 'yes, it's slow' answer.)**_

___**xxREADER UNKNOWNxx**__**, haha, I'm very Irish myself sooo, what can I say? One thing though, I think Max Kasch is Scottish, but I'm not positive. I do know he had an interview and he was talking about wearing a kilt. . .hm . . . Thanks for reviewing, and no, I'm not done, I'm just trying to get one chapter out a day. When I posted chapter 15, I already had this chapter and the next chapter written out! (I get VERY bored at work!!) At the moment, I am now three chapters ahead of the story, which helps with making sure I update!**_

_**EQ777, okay, I was afraid I was losing people in my jumble of a plot. I'm trying to work everything in without giving too much away.**_

_**Bibliophile, she wasn't really sick from the gold. It was the curse that had been placed on the tube of lipstick that made her sick. Also, it's only because of you that I ever decided to update at all! Now, with you and EQ777 reviewing, it's kept me writing!**_

_**Everyone else. . . REVIEW!**_


	17. Chapter 17

Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

"So how, exactly, do we go about scheming, o' great criminal mastermind?" Edan asked as she finished up her hole. It had been just over a day since the three had decided to go off and search for the still missing Zero. They still needed a plan of some sort, however, so they were not able to set off immediately.

"You've committed a crime, shouldn't you know?" Caveman responded before Artemis could say a word. His tone wasn't anything mean, but indicated that it was more of a matter-of-factly asked question.

"My crime didn't need planning. I just burned down a few warehouses. Anything, Fowl?"

"Of course," the Irish boy responded and momentarily stopped his digging, "first of all, we have to set a day. It should be sometime soon, or else it would be almost pointless to go after him. We are now on day three of his absence. Humans can only live three days without water, so he may already be dead, unless he managed to find a water source."

"So basically, we could already be too late. Why are we still here then, huh? We should be out looking for him!" The other boy shouted, tossing his shovel to the ground.

"We need a solid plan to get the water truck, that's why," Artemis responded coldly, "if we don't, well then Zero still dies. So, do you want to listen to me, or continue to think with that rash thought process of yours?"

"Sorry, I'm just. . . worried. . ." Caveman's voice trailed off, but Artemis picked up anyhow.

"Anyhow, if we're feeling bold, we may be able to try tomorrow. If not, then we'll try two days from now. Any longer, and we're not longer looking for anything living, that I'm quite sure of," he said and returned to his digging.

"What do we need to do?"

""

They were feeling bold. The group of three decided that they would try for the next day. All they needed to hope for was that the boys would cooperate and cause enough of a distraction. It wasn't as though Artemis doubted they could pull it off; it was the fact that he had little faith in the boys to distract Mr. Sir long enough. It would be just like him to accidentally mess things up.

The water truck rolled around, and the boys were sure stay as casual as possible (much to Artemis's surprise, they did well. Then again, they were all criminals of one sort or another.) "You know," Mr. Sir said to Squid, "water is life, so it's like I'm giving you life. You should thank me."

"Thank _you_, Mr. Sir," Squid said and started to walk away. As he did so, X-Ray and Magnet started arguing, and then fighting, similarly to what Caveman and Zigzag had been doing. As they pushed each other around, the scheming three quietly walked to the front of the truck and to the door facing away from the group. Caveman slid in, then Edan, and finally Artemis, since he was driving. Quickly scanning to see the best course to take, the Irish boy turned the keys in the ignition, put the truck into gear, and started to drive off.

The last things they could hear were some of the boys cheering, Mr. Sir shooting, and some of the boys. . . calling Zigzag? The boy who was _not_ driving leaned out of window to see that the blonde haired boy had hopped onto the back and was holding on to a handle bar along the side. "Zigzag! He's coming with us!"

"Great, just what we needed," Artemis snapped, "now we have to baby-sit an insane kid."

"He's really not crazy," Edan muttered, but she was ignored.

"Shouldn't we, like, stop and let him get in? He could get hurt," Caveman asked, but he too was ignored. He continued to lean out the window and make sure his fellow camp mate was okay. It wasn't as though they were going too fast anyhow, just fast enough that Mr. Sir couldn't catch them. After they were just a few miles away, the Irish boy slowed a halt and threw open his door. He jumped out and headed to the back of the truck, Edan and Caveman behind him.

"What were you thinking?" His voice was raised as he asked his question of the blonde boy. "There are so many ways you could have seriously injured, if not killed, yourself by doing that! What if Marion had shot you, hm? What would you have done then?"

"All the more reason for an investigation it would be: a camp consoler shooting a kid," Zigzag responded and rubbed his hands on his jumpsuit. They strung a bit from having to hold on to the metal for those minutes. He was sure he would be fine though. After all, the handles were put there for people to ride on the back with a hose to water plants and such.

"Why didn't you just tell us if you wanted to come?" Caveman asked and crossed his arms, "we could have just made some room for you!"

"Because I thought the Fairy and the Vampire would just try to talk me out of it," Zigzag snapped and glared at Artemis and Edan. Both took a step back and looked at him strangely. "I heard you talking! I heard you! You didn't know I was there, but I was. You were talking about curses and that tube of lipstick. You," he pointed at Edan, "said that you got sick because of it! It makes sense, considering you didn't feel well after it was found, but when X-Ray left with you, you were fine! You can't just blow me off for crazy now—_I heard you._"

"So you jumped on the back of a moving truck while being shot at just so you could say that to us?" Edan asked, crossing her arms as well and raising a brow. "Somehow, that doesn't make a bit of sense to me."

Zigzag looked at the three one by one, looked down, and then back up. "Well, okay, maybe I wasn't really thinking straight—"

"Are you _ever_ thinking straight?" The Irish boy snapped and shook his head, he turned away to start back to the front of the truck.

"I'm not crazy. I'm not."

The two remaining in front of him sighed and also started walking to get inside. They still had to go searching for Zero. "Do you know what it's like?" The blonde boy called out to them, making them turn around once more, "I was diagnosed with acute paranoia. I'm not crazy, but it's people like you who make me this way. I know I may not as _normal_ as you all, but when people are continuously messing with your head, how can you ever hope to be? I know what I heard. I know what you are. I don't like being toyed with. That's why I came. You two, Vamp and Fairy, you two are up to something. You've been up to something from the time you've arrived. I just want to know what it is."

Edan looked at Artemis, wondering what they should tell him. He groaned and waved her on. She nodded and walked to the distressed D-Tenter. "Come on. Get in the truck with us. We still need to find that kid first."

They all piled in the truck, Artemis, Caveman, Zigzag, and Edan, respectively. The girl opted to sit next to the passenger side window so that she could lean out. Her arms were exposed, and she didn't want to accidentally bump one of the boys. The last thing they needed was a few boys with third degree burns.

Their trip started in silence. They didn't even put the radio on. Artemis insisted on absolutely no sound so that he could concentrate. He was trying to maneuver the large truck around the seemingly hundred of holes, and it did take work. It wasn't as though he drove often anyhow, but Butler insisted that he learn in case something would ever happen to his bodyguard and he needed to escape.

"Fowl," Zigzag stated, "I still think you're a Vampire. As soon as I get the chance, I'm going to make you eat garlic."

"Fine," Artemis snapped, "but I quite like garlic, thank you. Especially mixed with olive oil and toasted on bread."

"So you like garlic bread," Caveman said, nonchalantly.

"Yes, but the term _garlic bread_ sounds terrible unsophisticated."

Almost a half hour passed by before Caveman sat up and shouted. He pointed to a wooden structure with part of a jumpsuited leg sticking out. "Look! Look! It's Zero! It has to be! Stop! Stop!" The truck halted, and they all got out, but none were as enthusiastic as Zero's friend.

"What if Zero died out here and became a brain eating zombie? Good thing Caveman's going first, if he gets eaten, then we'll know to get back in the truck and drive away," Zigzag muttered, mostly to himself. Artemis had walked over though, and heard the latest theory. It was cause for a raised brow. Caveman ran over though, and thankfully, Zero's head appeared. He smiled weakly when he saw the other boy. There was no brain eating. "I guess he's safe. . . for now."

"He needs water, I would not doubt if he passed out from dehydration soon. Edan, get him water," Artemis demanded. She turned to look at him, scowling.

"What am I, your wench? _You_ go get him water," she snapped. He mumbled something and reluctantly went to get one of the canteens from the truck. "That's right, bitch, go."

"When are you going to tell me what's going on? I didn't forget, I want to know. I won't let this go," Zigzag asked over Artemis's yelling, looking down at Edan. He was much taller then her; he absolutely towered over her with about an entire foot's advantage. She shrugged.

"We'll tell you when it's needed. It doesn't matter. You won't remember. They'll just mind wipe you," she replied and walked over to the other two boys. Caveman looked like he was about ready to cry in happiness that the boy was still alive. Humans. They had such weak emotions. She was glad her current form didn't allow her to cry.

""

_**t.b.p.: if anyone would like to take a stab at what sort of being Edan is, email me, and I will tell you. Please though, don't put it in a review! Send me a review telling me that you took a guess and I'll check my email (I always forget to check the email account that I use for hahaha.) I'm trying to put some subtle hints in the story, and this last hint was a major one, or at least in my opinion it is!**_

_**A Bibliophile, yes, because of that inability I have simply HAD to continue update. Currently, I have two more chapters for the next to days. . . but if I don't get any reviews. . . well. . . they might not go up, bwahahahahaha. I'm really glad though that you are satisfied with the way I'm writing, because I'm sure some people aren't. Thanks, as always.**_

_**EQ777, I know that sometimes Artemis seems out of character (as you might find in the next chapter) but I'm trying to make him fit as well as I can while sticking to both the Holes plot and my own plot. But once again, thank you for sticking with the story, and I'm happy that you like the direction in which the story is going!**_

_**Everyone one else. . . REVIEW!!**_


	18. Chapter 18

I highlighted things I considered issues and either made changes or else added a suggestion directly following the highlighted

_**I highlighted things I considered issues and either made changes or else added a suggestion directly following the highlighted part in parenthesis.**__** (see?)**_

Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

"Zero, we've got to get back to camp," Caveman said, sipping on the peachy substance the other boy had given him. At the moment, it was what had been keeping him alive and away from dehydration. Artemis's analysis had determined that they were probably old cans of spiced peaches from God knows how long ago. They had a bit of water in them, but barely. It was a miracle that the boy who had run away from camp had managed to find the jars and even more of a miracle that there was enough water to ward off sickness. Still, he drank almost two entire canteens of water when Artemis offered them to him.

"I'm not going back."

"Zero, you have to go back. _We_ have to go back. We don't have food. We may have water, but there's nothing to eat. We'll starve to death," the first boy said again. Artemis walked over, fiddling with his phone, at that moment.

"Actually, a human can go three weeks without food," the Irish boy commented, "so food really isn't an issue. The real issue is how far that truck will go. It seems Marion doesn't keep a full tank, no surprise with gas the price it is, and we're almost empty."

"Two things," Caveman said, "one, how did you get a phone in here? Two, will it get us back to camp?"

Artemis finished with whatever it was he was doing and slid his phone back into his pocket. "I'm a genius, what can I say? And sure it will. But we're not going back to camp yet. At least Edan and I aren't. You boys can, but you'll be walking. We're taking the truck."

"What?!" Caveman jumped up from his seated position, "you're leaving us out here? Where are you going? Why do you get the truck?"

"I get the truck because I agreed to drive it out here to get Zero. I didn't say I would drive you back. Edan and I are going to that over there," Artemis pointed to the large stone structure. "You're welcome to join us, but I _will_ be taking the keys with me, and unless you can hot wire a car, which I highly doubt, you're walking if you plan on going in the opposite direction.

"Really now?" Zigzag and Zero sat next to each other, watching as Caveman stalked towards Artemis. "I don't like violence Fowl, but this could be life or death for us. There are three of us. We can take the keys from you. You're not exactly someone who would end up well in a physical fight. I think even I could take you." It was very uncharacteristic for the Yelnats boy to ever do something that involved hurting people, but he was worried for his life, and Zero's, and even Zigzag's if they were forced to try to find their way back to camp on their own.

"He may not," Edan said from behind the Irish boy, "but I would. If you attack him, I will have to defend him. I'm here as his bodyguard, and I will have to use whatever force is necessary. I was able to hurt your friend there with a mere touch to get him off of Zigzag. What do you think I could do to you if you tried to fight me?"

Caveman looked around at the two, then back at Zero. On his forearms, he could see the slight burns still evident. Was it worth the risk? He turned back to Artemis and looked him over. The keys were slightly hanging out of one of his pockets. Yes, it was worth it. He dived at the raven haired boy, only to be blocked by the girl. "Sorry," she muttered and grabbed him. In a fluid motion, she had him on his back. She placed her hand above his mouth and he made a disturbing gasp. Immediately, Caveman was unconscious.

"What did you do?!" Zero jumped up and ran over to Edan. He was ready to tackle her, but skidded to a halt. She was absolutely radiating—radiating heat. He didn't even want to try to get near her.

"He's just knocked out. He'll wake up soon once he regains his breath. I'm going to walk around a bit." Without another word, she went walked away, taking the unnatural heat with her.

"What _is_ she?" Zigzag asked, watching as she left. Artemis shrugged.

"Honestly, I have not a clue. I assume she's already told you about the mind wipe?" He asked and received a head nod from the blonde boy, "then I can tell you she's a fairy of sorts. I needed a guard after coming here, so I got in touch with my actual bodyguard and family friend. He couldn't be here so he found someone else. He, I know, was in touch with a few other particular fairies, and they must have arranged for her to come. A female would never be allowed in the camp under normal circumstances so I believe the Warden was mesmered, a sort of hypnotism, to permit her to come."

"Why are you telling us this?" Zero asked, his voice hysterical. Caveman was breathing normally, but had not woken up yet.

"Well, I was really only telling him," he pointed to Zigzag, "but I suppose whatever you hear won't matter. None of you will remember. I'm here looking for buried treasure, as is Edan. There are things here that belong to the fairies, and they want it back. That's why we're going to that stone structure. We believe what we're looking for is there. We've gone through too much to let this all be destroyed by a few delinquents. Like I said, you either stay or go. It's up to you."

Artemis walked back to the truck, hopping into the driver's seat. It took a little while, but the two boys decided to go. Caveman woke up shortly after, having a coughing fit. They explained to him what was going on and he ended up agreeing as well. They really didn't have too much of a choice. Zigzag, being bigger than Zero, helped Caveman stagger to the truck side. "How are we all going to fit?" Zero asked as they helped the temporarily gimped boy in.

"I'll jump onto the back," Edan had reappeared, but didn't stay to chat. She went to the back side, where Zigzag had been before they had stopped for the first time. "It's probably for the better."

""

"You sure this is the right place?" Edan asked and looked up at the structure. "I really don't want to get up there and then find out that you were wrong."

"I am _not_ wrong," Artemis snapped and pocketed the truck keys. They filled their jugs to the extent, wrapped them around their torsos and were preparing to head up. "You still can't feel it? I can feel the energy radiating all the way out here. It's definitely here, somewhere."

"I think you guys are crazy," Zigzag said, causing them to turn around and stare at him. He was also looking up at the structure. "You guys really think that you can get up there? There ain't no way in hell anyone could get to the top of that thing."

"Yeah," Caveman said loudly, "yeah they can. I think my great grandfather climbed to the top. He called it _God's Thumb._ He was robbed out here and left for dead by Kissin' Kate Barlow—" he was cut off by a loud cough from Edan.

"Can we just get going?" She asked, fidgeting uncomfortably. Artemis eyed her suspiciously for her actions. He had yet to ever see her have a reaction like that, and it seemed to be at the mention of Kissin' Kate Barlow.

"Yes, I think it's best we set off as soon as we can," he said slowly, "we wouldn't want to get stuck on a ledge when it's dark." Edan nodded and walked to part of the stone wall. It seemed that she had scoped out the best place to start from. Soon, the boys lined up, following after her.

"Maybe I should, ah," Artemis groaned, "take up rock climbing when I get back to the Manor.

"Vampire boy," Zigzag called out from behind Zero, "do you really think we want to hear about your great, rich lifestyle? Shut it and keep climbing. I want to have a close eye on you once it starts to get dark, and I can't do it from back here." His words caused everyone else to groan out of annoyance.

After a few hours of climbing, they decided that it was best to stop. It was already getting into the evening, and they were all worn out. They found an area that was mostly level, and they all dropped down to the ground. No one spoke, but the humans felt like they were ready to pass out. Edan was standing, staring at the top, looking like she was ready to keep going. She did not. She sat down eventually next to Artemis and leaned against a large rock.

"Dude, Zero, you okay man?" Caveman asked as his friend jumped up to be suck over by an old dead plant.

"Yeah man, I just think it's all that Sploosh catching up on me!" He laughed dully and walked back to sit down after taking a long drink from his water. The other _boys_ followed suit. Zero and Caveman continued to chat, but the others stayed mostly quiet. Artemis was too busy checking his phone, while Zigzag just stared at him and Edan put her head back to take a nap.

"What are you doing Vampire boy?"

"I'm checking my messages, what does it look like?" The Irishboy snapped without looking up at the other boy.

"How have you kept that recharged? Someone would have noticed if you were plugging it in every night," the blonde boy asked curiously.

"Fairy technology. It won't go dead in my lifetime."

"It will in mine," Edan mused from her reclined position. He glanced over at her to see that she had a slight smirk on her lips. She enjoyed keeping him in the dark as far as her origins were concerned.

"Well of course it will, it would die in most fairies' lifetimes. That's nothing that makes you unique," he said casually, though he really commented on it out of suspicion of what her response would be. As he predicted, she had to reply.

"I would go through quite a few batteries in my lifetime. Well, quite a few more than your friend Holly Short would. Elves have such short life spans," she sighed and fell silent again. Presumably, she fell asleep.

Each of Artemis's suspicions was proving to be true. He had been messaging the one time Captain Short about his theories. She may not be able to tell him what Edan was for sure, but if he was guessing right, then it would surely irk her—and irking Holly Short was one of his favorite past times anyhow. How many beings was there that had spans that could last much longer than an elf's, withstand the scorching sun, and command fire at their will? There weren't too many.

It would have made things much easier on the Irish boy if he had the conversation Edan had previously had with Zigzag while she was digging her second hole. If he had been able to hear that, _and_ add in what he already knew, then figuring out what she was wouldn't be difficult.

""

_**t.b.p.: well? What did you think? Things are starting to come to a close now, well, sort of. Edan's whole involvement still has to be explained, I know, but that is something that will happen towards the end. I'm always open to people who want to tell me their theories. If you're right, then I will even tell you if you want. But if not, well, you'll just have to wait for the end haha.**_

_**EQ777, yup, off they go, climbing up. I'm sure it would be more in character for Fowl to be complaining all of the time, but I just didn't feel like it, hahaha.**_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

The exhausted members of the group were all almost passed out on their little ledge. One stirred sometime during the night and stood, careful not to wake the others. He looked around, listening carefully. He has thought he heard something near by, something that caused a few rocks to come loose and tumble over the side. Apparently, no one else heard this. It was either that, or they simply weren't curious enough to remove themselves from dream land. After stretching out his tired muscles, he went off to one side, climbing away to investigate on his own.

It wasn't too difficult, he found. Moving horizontally for the most part was much easier than climbing vertically. There were many more ledges that were within easy reach, and he was only going as far as where he thought the sound had come from. He stretched out an arm and pulled himself over to another rather large, level ledge. The moonlight was bright over head, bright enough to illuminate a path that seemed to rapidly rise into the rocky cliff side. Had he just found a much easier way to get to the top? No. He didn't _find_ it; something _led_ him to it. Well, he better check it out before he told the other. He was afraid that it would vanish if he left without investigating.

"It's probably a secret, ancient pathway to the top of the mountain where secret rituals were preformed and the only way to see it is in the moonlight to keep unwanted wanderers from getting up to the top . . ." His voice trailed off from his muttering as he started to heads into the hidden, rocky path. Unbeknownst to him, a set of eyes were watching him carefully. The eyes and their owner, however, did not follow him. They went back to the others, who were still asleep.

"Artemis!" Edan hissed and kicked the Irish boy over from his sleeping position on his side. It wasn't terribly difficult to jolt him awake. He fell onto his stomach, waking up abruptly.

"No! Not the lollipops!" He yelled suddenly, causing an echo against the rock. His outburst woke both Zero and Caveman up. They sat upright and looked around in panic. Though it wasn't entirely visible in the dark, the girl was sure that she saw a scarlet color creep up Artemis's neck and cheeks. "What's wrong? Why are you kicking me? Where is that boy that should be institutionalized?"

"Zigzag went off by himself. I think he found a path—we should go after him."

"That path might lead us to a painful death, and you want to follow him?" The Irish boy asked and stood up, rubbing his eyes.

"Hold on," Caveman said and yawned, "I'd rather take my chances on a path that try to keep climbing. My arms ache, my hands are bleeding, and I'm afraid of heights." He crossed his arms, as did Zero who stood next to him in apparent agreement. Fowl looked at the other three and groaned.

"When we all die, I'm blaming you," he muttered and scowled at Edan. She rolled her eyes, and grabbed her water jug (which was still suspiciously full, Artemis noted) as well as the canteen that Zigzag had abandoned. He would surely want it by the time the sun started to rise.

"Now, unless you're still concerned with lollipops, we should be going. Follow me," she stated and turned around, starting to lead the group away from their make shift camp and along the ridges to the area where the blonde boy had disappeared into the cliff side. They maneuvered themselves around on the rocks, which, Edan found, was more difficult than when she had followed Zigzag on her own. He was much taller than everyone else, so he was able to reach protruding sections with ease. She was simply more agile than everyone else, and she was able to guide herself along without difficulty. Zero was having the most problematic time out of all of them. He needed help frequently, which slowed them down. "We really need to hurry," Edan said, her voice low and warning. If they couldn't make it to the path by nightfall, they would have to wait an entire day to try again, and by that time, Zigzag could have fallen and been hurt—or worse.

As they reached the ledge, dawn was just coming to light. Along the horizon, the color of the skyline was changing. Edan practically dived onto the rocky area, scraping herself in the process, and ran to the pathway. She stood in the entrance and outstretched her arms. "Come on you guys! I won't be able to hold it for long! Get into the pathway!" Rock seemed to materialize out of thin air to start blocking up the only way to get onto the path. She tried her best to hold off the barricading with her magic just long enough for the boys together though. Thankfully, they managed. Caveman ran through, followed by Artemis, and Zero last—he was the smallest and needed the least space to try to get through. The fairy girl fell backwards, and onto the group of boys, the magic of the cliff side throwing her away.

"You okay?" The ever-nice Caveman asked and helped her up. She stumbled around a bit before steadying herself against the rock wall.

"Fine, just dizzy," she muttered before taking a few steps forward, "let's just keep moving. . ." She fell silent and the boys looked at one another. At least they had made it through. They shrugged and kept walking, getting as far away from the part of the wall that had closed on them as possible.

_I noticed how very silent Edan had become as we walked along. I might not have known her very well, but I was quite sure that she was upset over something. I didn't dare inquire over what—the last thing I wanted was an angry fairy girl. I knew how hard Holly could hit, and she was much smaller than the girl I now trudged behind. I could only imagine what force she could put behind a punch if she wanted. Not to mention the fact that she would give me a burn as well as a bruise. _

_The path was one which zigzagged upwards, presumably towards the top of this structure. Caveman had called it 'God's Thumb,' and though I didn't see how it looked very much like it, I decided that I would agree with the name. I mean, really, it became increasingly annoying by just calling this pile of rock the 'stone structure.' _

_Oh how my mind simply. . . hurt. I had spent too much time away from the more intelligent society, and it was affecting me more than I had ever imagined. For god's sakes, I was too busy thinking about what to call the cliffs we were climbing to think about what really mattered! If my predictions were correct then Edan and I would be digging up our treasure within the next day, and all of my work would have finally paid off. Had I been a lesser person, I would have been giddy. _

_Who was I kidding? I __**was**__ giddy. I was absolutely thrilled at the prospect of getting out of this ridiculous camp, then closing it down for all of its suspicious activity. Perhaps I should supply a bit of side funding to turn it into a girl scout's camp, hm. . . Now, however, was not the time to be pondering such things. I needed to literally be paying attention to putting one foot forward—the path was narrowing even more, which said something since it was incredibly narrow to begin with, and it was getting harder to walk along naturally. _

_I was finally pulled from my thoughts when Edan stumbled in front of me. She caught herself before she toppled over onto some sharp pieces of rock, but her hands started bleeding from some newly formed scraps. I halted my movements, unable to continue on with her blocking my path, only to have Caveman run into me, and Zero run into him. I lost my balance and fell onto the fairy girl trying to stand. As I fell, I immediately started to panic, since touching her would be extremely painful for me. _

_I scrambled away from her after grabbing onto some of the same rocks that she had caught herself on, and analyzed myself. I was not burned, and much of my skin had come into direct contact with her upper back and arms, which were not covered by the beater that she wore. My hands, however, were also cut in some areas. Unlike the cursed fairy girl, I was able to heal myself. Blue sparks appeared from the bleeding wounds, and the familiar numbing sensation engulfed my palms. It only took a few seconds for the bleeding to stop. Though I was relieved, I was not entirely aware of the eyes looking over my shoulder. _

"What did you do?!" Caveman exclaimed, his eyes wide. It seemed that he had accepted Edan and her strangeness, but he had not been expecting the one who he _thought _was human to be doing something magical as well.

"I healed myself," Artemis replied lightly, wiping the blood onto the already disgustingly filthy jumpsuit. Though, no matter how beat up it looked now, it was nothing compared to what his old boarding school uniform had gone through in the years prior.

"But. . . but aren't you, you know, _human_?" The boy taller than the Fowl whispered the last word, looking at him in total disbelief. The Irish boy shrugged.

"I am, well, mostly. I had a bit of a gene altering run in a few years ago. I was left with a few strands of magic and a hazel eye. I wear a colored contact to avoid questions. It is on my birth certificate that I have two _matching_ eyes, after all. Nothing to worry about," he said as he watched Edan continue walking along.

"Good thing Zigzag wasn't here to see that. He'd be going on about vampire powers all over again. . ."

"Oh, he already saw me do something similar when Edan here gave me a few nasty burns in her sleep. He called my magic _vampire super healing_ or something to that effect. Is everything okay?" Artemis called out, finishing his conversation with Caveman quickly, to the fairy girl. Though she seemed to be trying her best to walk strongly, she was unable to fool him. He could see that she was struggling to keep moving on.

"Fine," she replied, but he knew she was lying.

"Are we getting close?" She nodded in response. "Ah, good, I was starting to get rather bored. It is rather dull walking back here you know, perhaps you could allow me to walk in front—"

"No!" Edan snapped, cutting him off. He almost jumped in surprise of her sudden harshness, but he did not. "There's something up ahead. If it attacks, you all might not fair well."

"But you will?"

"I'd be better off than you humans."

""

_**t.b.p.: so I **__**just**__** bought the new Artemis Fowl book yesterday. I honestly had no idea that it even came out!! My dear friend and part time beta Clow12391 pointed the book out to me, and I nearly fell over (anime style) when I realized that I had totally missed the news about its release! I had to laugh when I started reading though (Bibliophile) when they mentioned the horses. In my other Arty story, Caligo Sese, he goes off horse back riding for the first time and enjoys it because he barely had to do any work!**_

_**Anyhow, I was so close to **__**not**__** getting this chapter out today. I had been too lazy to finish it over the weekend, but when a certain reviewer said that they had taken a guess, I simply had to update. **_

_**Bibliophile, I sent you a message, but I'm not sure if you got it. Therefore, I will sort of confirm on here. **__**Your second guess was correct.**__** I know it's strange, but when I wrote this two years ago, it made sense then! Stanley heard parts of the conversation, but I think he was knocked out for most of it. He knows something's up with Edan after she quite literally knocked the air from him. I'm not ruining anything about the treasure part, but let me say that I'm rather sure that I keep Artemis in character for it XP. As for Arty in real life—I think I know the American, middle class version on him. No joke. He's a year below me, so he'll be a senior this year in high school, and he looks and acts JUST like him. He doesn't even realize it cause he's never read the books! He's secretly Arty though, and I know it. But guess what?**_

_** . . . I can't stand him!**_

_**Thank, as always, for finding time to read and review! **_

_**Everyone else, learn from Bibliophile and REVIEW! I know you're out there! I can see you clicking on my story!!**_


	20. Chapter 20

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

"How much further until we've reached the end of this path?" Artemis asked and tried to see over Edan. Even though she was a few inches shorter than himself, she was still on higher ground, so he couldn't see around her. They had been walking for at least an hour and a half, possibly even more. The fairy girl seemed to be weakening with every step she took towards the top of the cliffs now known as God's Thumb.

"I can see then end from here. Maybe a hundred yards left, maybe less," she replied after a few moments.

"What's up there? You said something's up there. Can you see that too?" Caveman asked from behind the Irish boy. Zero was still behind him, but the boy remained quiet almost the entire time.

"No," Edan said with a growl, "but I can feel it. A certain spirit is waiting up there. . ."

"Waiting for us?" Artemis had not predicted anything like this: a spirit waiting to attack them? What did a spirit have anything to do with, well, _anything_? He knew that there was fairy treasure there, as well as Kate Barolow's loot. He didn't know anything about any spook hanging around the treasure as well! Most suspiciously though, Edan seemed to know exactly what she was approaching.

"Waiting for me." The three boys all had stopped and stared at her strangely. Was she leading them to danger? Had she tricked them into going there? No, Artemis didn't believe that, mostly because his pride refused him to even think that someone had tricked _him._

"I think you need to explain yourself," the Irish boy said coolly, thinking he would make her stop. She didn't.

"Not right now. I think Zigzag might be up there with her too," Edan muttered, "we need to get to him. . . we might be in big trouble already. . ."

"I demand to know what's going on! We can't simply walk right into danger without knowing what we're facing. If we know that, then at least we can try to form some sort of plan," Artemis snapped. He had been in dangerous situations before, yes, but during most of those times, Captain Holly Short was with him, wielding her Neutrino. Now, all he had was a fairy who looked like she could barely stand and refused to tell him what was going on.

"You're in no position to be demanding anything, Mister Fowl," the female hissed from her spot up front, "we're in a spot of trouble, so just let me do what I was originally brought here to do and protect you."

"At least tell me _why_ we have a problem."

"Zigzag's done something bad."

"What?!" The three boys asked at once. Edan nodded.

"This spirit could only be unleashed by a human. He's the only human up there. He's let her loose," she said and sighed.

"Who is _she_?"

Edan seemed to take a minute to think over how she wanted to try to explain to the boys that the human who enacted the curse on her and the former town of Green Lake was waiting to attack anyone who tried to remove the source of the curse from its resting spot. No, she changed her mind. She wasn't going to tell them that yet, she would just tell them the answer to what they asked. "Kate Barlow."

""

"Ask as much as you want, I'm not going to tell you yet."

"We need to know everything," Artemis said for a third time. The fairy refused to tell them what she knew, and it was driving the boys crazy. She claimed that the spirit of Kissin' Kate Barlow was at the end of the path, waiting to tear them to bits. Well, waiting to tear _her_ to bits. The Irish boy deducted that Edan had previously had an encounter with the Southern woman, and the human woman had probably still been alive at the time.

"No you don't, not yet. It's not important."

"You don't think knowing why there is a ghost here is important? Especially when you said she's going to attack us?" the youngest member of the traveling group asked from the back. It was one of the few times he had decided to add in his input to the conversations.

"I don't. She's not going to try to go for you guys first anyhow. She's going to try to keep me from the artifact up here," Edan stated as she neared the opening, "I can distract her, but you guys have to grab the—_Zigzag, no_!" A few yards away from the exit of the pathway stood the blonde boy. In his hands was a small chest, ancient in appearance. He stood at the edge of the cliff side, looking as though he was ready to drop the chest over the side.

When he heard his name, he slowly turned around to face the group. His bright blue eyes looked dull and glazed over, and his movements seemed forced. "Is he," Artemis started slowly, "mesmered?" He looked very much like Artemis's parents when he mesmered them for the first time after gaining his powers. The mesmer was sloppy, leaving them in almost a trance like state. Zigzag looked similar now.

"I don't think so,' Edan said and shook her head, "I think he's possessed. He has such an open mind that Barlow was probably able to temporarily control him. . . But I thought for sure that she would have—" she couldn't finish. The fairy girl was slammed against the stone wall a few feet away by an invisible force. Caveman and Zero ran over to her while Artemis looked around. He didn't see anything. Well, he did see Zigzag turn his back on the group once more, preparing to toss the chest.

The Irish boy hurried over to him and laced a hand over the other boy's arm. Perhaps he could get the spirit out before Zigzag got rid of the treasure he had been searching for. _"Heal,"_ he said. Blue sparks flew from the tips of his fingers and into the fellow D-Tenter. He went stiff and Artemis could feel the dark energy leaving him. It did not disappear though. Instead, it materialized in the center of the clearing they were in.

It was a woman dressed in old western clothing, looking as though she had come out of one of the black and white movies. She had absolutely no color to her. "I won't let you take it back!" She shouted and put her hand out in front of her. She turned towards Edan, Caveman, and Zero and let out a pulse of energy. The two boys flew away from the girl, leaving Barlow a clear path to her. "My revenge will last forever!" She walked towards the fallen fairy girl and reached down to grab her. Edan took a swing at the metaphysical form, her powers temporarily dissipating it.

"You got rid of it!" Caveman said excitedly. He pushed himself back off of the ground. Once again, he returned to her side, as did Zero. She didn't look good. She looked as sick as, if not worse than, when X-Ray had kept the lipstick tube in the tent all night. "Are you okay?" Her response was a point at the chest.

"I don't think she's gone," Artemis stated and watched as the same specter figure appeared, looking even angrier than before. "What do you want?" He called out, taking a step forward with all of his courage. The spirit of Kate Barlow turned and looked at Artemis closely, as if judging whether or not he was a threat to her. She seemed to decide that he wasn't.

"I want all of you gone! Leave my chest alone, or I'll kill you all!" She shouted, though the Irish boy didn't find her too intimidating. Then again, he had never dealt with spirits before, so he wasn't really sure what to consider scary. She wasn't the type he had always thought of.

"You mean leave _my_ chest alone," Edan hissed from the side. She forced herself to stand and make her way to Barlow. Though she looked like she was ready to just fall over and curl up in the fetal position from illness, Fowl also noticed the goldish color of her eyes. She, apparently, wasn't going to go down without a fight. "You've kept me prisoner for too long, Barlow. I should never have helped you when you summoned me."

_At this point, I was starting to piece bits together. The chest in Zigzag's hands was Edan's, and thus, it belonged to the fairies. Technically, I had agreed to steer clear of anything that had supernatural powers and simply take the gold, but I was intrigued. I wondered how much I could possibly get the fairies to pay for the little treasure box. Then again, was I willing to risk my life? The fairy girl before me also had told me that she did not live below ground with the other People. If she was always on my level of existence, she may take more drastic measures to take back what she wanted._

_Obviously, I was very irritated at this point. She had kept too much information from me. She was there to protect me, and that was it! Well that wasn't it. Not anymore. She had come to get something for herself, not to protect me. I was, sadly to admit, a bit in the dark as to how she managed to convince both Butler and Holly to send her. No, she had probably convinced the whole of the fairy council to send her—at least I believed so. It made sense why Holly hadn't been able to give me any information on her. They were intentionally keeping me from finding out the truth. And they had succeeded until now. I curled my fingers into a fist and squeezed. I did not like being played for a fool. _

"Give me the chest," Artemis said and turned to Zigzag, his eyes flashing. He looked down at the shorter boy, still holding the chest. "Give it to me!"

"No," the blonde boy blurted out, "Edan said it's hers! Why should you get it?"

"Artemis!" The female fairy called out from her battle with the Kissin' Kate spirit, "open the chest and bring me what's inside! She'll kill us all if I can't stop her!" As if to reiterate her point, a side pulse of the spirit's energy rumbled through the ground, shaking the stone they were on. Behind Fowl and Zigzag, a group of rocks tumbled down the cliff side. The blonde boy looked at Artemis and reluctantly gave up the chest as they moved further away from the edge.

The Irish boy looked around, deciding on his plan of action. If he took the chest and ran down the path, he wouldn't be able to get out until nightfall. But if he gave the chest to Edan, then that meant that he would lose his treasure. No, there had to be more. Kissin' Kate Barlow had stolen from almost every wealthy person to pass through this area, which, at the time, was quite a few. There was more, there had to be. _Fine, I thought to myself. Then that's the treasure I would take. I wanted to live now anyhow. _

_I set the chest down on the ground and looked at the way to open it. I noticed that there wasn't even a lock. Why couldn't see open it then? Oh, of course, because of the curse. She couldn't go near it, much less open it. I was just about ready to open it, when I noticed that below some of the grim and dust was a few gnomish symbols. Narrowing my eyes, I brushed the dirt away. Recalling my fluency in the language, I read over the symbols. Now I saw. Now I knew why she brought me all of the way up here, when there was nothing for me anyhow. _

""

_**t.b.p.: things are coming to a close quickly! I'm predicting maybe two or three more chapters to wrap everything up. Okay, maybe a few more, I'm not sure. This should be done by Friday, I hope. Please, please, please let me know what you think of all of this.**_

_**A Bibliophile, you're close, but not really, ahaha. Just a few more chapters, Your Amazingness. **_

_**EVERYONE ELSE. . . review please!**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

"Artemis, what are you waiting for?" Edan cried out and hit the floor, "open the chest!" The energy radiating off of Kate Barlow's spirit was becoming stronger as the fairy girl became weaker. The vibrating of the stone was causing more and more destruction to the land around them, making standing near basically anything almost dangerous. "Artemis, open it!"

"I'm not going to open it," he said and stood up, his eyes piercing through her coldly. "Gook luck getting _any_ human here to open it. None of us are willing to die for _you._" The three boys whipped their heads towards the Irish boy, looking at him in astonishment, and hoping for an answer. Once again, the spirit tossed Edan back with her energy, the force of which combined with the pulses knocked a few rocks loose and onto the girl's leg, trapping her. She cried out in pain and cursed her human body.

"What are you talking about, vampire boy?" Zigzag asked slowly, "why would we die for her?"

"It says so right here," Fowl stated, raising his voice so that it could be heard over the rumbling of the shaking ground and pointed to the chest, "on the chest. These symbols belong to the fairy language, _her_ language. I'll tell you what it reads,"

_A Warning to all who bear this chest:_

_With in this box lie the wings belonging to the great bird of light, _

_The being who was once summoned out of a dark slight. _

_She who would once answer a prayer, _

_Would not bring to a town only despair. _

_She borrowed away her feather to destroy a land,_

_She allowed a prosperous lake to turn to sand. _

_Thus we curse her to walk the earth for eternity without extol, _

_Until a human willing return to her that which makes her whole. _

_But a note to the human wishing to return her to her splendor, _

_Be warned that with your life you will surrender."_

Artemis finished reading the inscription with an exhale. Even the spirit had stopped her onslaught to listen to what he had to say.

"You speak their language? But you're human!" Kate Barlow exclaimed.

"Well, I am the most intelligent teenager in all of Europe, if not the world," he responded dryly. He had thought that perhaps she was going hysterical, but when he saw the wide grin on her face, he knew better. She was thrilled—no one would take her treasure now. No one would sacrifice their lives to retun Edan's power to her. The outlaw's spirit started to laugh, her energy still growing. It continued to grown until even she couldn't control it anymore. Soon, a violent shaking vibrated throughout God's Thumb, causing avalanches of rock to fall.

"We're going to die!" Caveman shouted, grabbing Zero's arm and pulling him out of the way of a large rock. Everyone, except for Edan who was trapped under a few rocks, scrambled to avoid getting hit. There were just too many. Zigzag stopped running and looked around at everyone. It seemed like all of the noise had suddenly been blocked out. He could see Caveman yelling at him to keep moving, but he didn't hear him. His eyes landed on the chest, and as they did, all of the sound returned. He walked over and picked it up.

"What are you doing?!" Artemis snapped and jumped back as some of the bits from the rocks that protruded from the ground and into the air fell.

"I have to open it," he said and started walking towards Edan.

"What? Why? No you don't!" Caveman shouted and tried to stop the other boy. He received and elbow in the face for his efforts.

"Let's just say the voices told me to," he said with a cheerful smile.

"What voices? You're not actually crazy! How many times do we have to tell you that?!" The Irish boy yelled, frustrated.

"I dunno, the aliens maybe?" Zigzag replied, still smiling, "I know I'm not crazy. I just have an overly creative mind, right Edan?" She nodded slowly as he kneeled down next to her. He pushed the rocks off of her leg, but it was still too badly injured for her to move. "You can save us, can't you?"

"I—well, yeah, but you'll die!" the fairy girl said, shocked. The boy shrugged.

"Maybe I'll come back as a Zombie and eat Mr. Sir's brains," he said, "but, I'm really seeing all of this, right? I'm not just making it up, right?"

"No, it's real, I promise," she assured him. She almost wanted to stop him; she kinda liked the crazy kid. But she knew that if she wasn't returned to her power now, then she never would be. It was something she couldn't live without.

"Then I have to do this," he replied finally and placed his hands on the chest's lid.

"Why?"

"Because the fairies can't wipe your mind twice, and they've already done it to me once," Zigzag explained, "so I would remember this, and no one would believe me anyhow. I think I'd go crazy." Edan looked at him curiously as he spoke. So he had previously had an encounter with fairies and they had wiped his mind. No, she thought, they probably had messed up while they were doing it, and it was how he because how he was now. _Overly creative. _He smiled one last time, his bright blue eyes shining, and opened the chest.

There was a bright light. No one was affected, well, except for Kate Barlow. With the chest opened, the curse lifted. Her spirit no longer belonged in that realm. She screamed in pain and disappeared, probably off to hell. The shaking did not stop, however, as everything was already set in motion. Edan reached into the box and grabbed what was inside. It was a golden necklace—well, in Artemis's opinion, it was something that maybe _Cleopatra _would consider a necklace. It was large, ostentatious, and of an ancient style. It was also pure gold, and incredibly appealing to the Fowl boy.

She set it right around her neck, and, while he was expecting her to have to clasp it or something, its edges actually _merged into her skin._ Strange gold markings appeared on her body and she stood, her body healed. "We must leave," she announced. She took Zigzag's hand and held her free hand up in the air, catching it in the sunlight. There was yet another flash, and they disappeared. It wasn't the same as Kate Barlow, however, as they reappeared moments later. They were all safely at the foot of the cliff. Well, almost all were safe.

When Zigzag opened up the chest, his life was drained from him at that moment. He collapsed onto his side as Edan took out her artifact, dead. Now, Artemis, Caveman, and Zero stood over him. It had been the first time two of them had seen someone die before. To them, it wasn't really real. He didn't look like he had died—he looked like he had passed out, and nothing more. "Please step aside," Edan stated. The boys were too frozen in shock to try to step away. A warm hand on both Caveman and Zero's shoulders pulled them back to reality, and they stepped away. The girl, now, covered in strange markings, kneeled down next to the body of the blonde boy, and pulled his head onto her lap.

They watches as she leaned over him, bringing her face inches away from his, and then she started. . . crying. A set of pearly tears slid down her cheeks, dropping off at her jawline, and landed on on Zigzag's skin. The liquid, rather than continuing to move, seeped into his pores. After a few soothing strokes from Edan on his head, the boy's eyes slowly opened. "Am I dead? Did I come back as a zombie? Where's Mr. Sir, he's brains are going to be my first meal."

"Good luck with that," the Irish boy snorted, "I'd rather say that Marion's brains would be nothing more than an appatizer. There isn't a terrible lot up in that head of his, I'm afraid." Though he wasn't phased, the other two standing D-Tent boys looked as though they were ready to faint. A dead person was talking.

"Thank you," Edan said with a smile, "I am forever in your debt. You did not hesitate to sacrifice your life to simply return my power to me. It is uncommon for human's to be so selfless. You are truly unique." Zigzag sat up from the girl's lap, blushing madly when he realized how he was positioned, and then stood up.

"How—how did you do that?" Zero asked, wide eyed. He walked over to the blonde boy and poked him a bit, just to make sure he was real.

"Yes, how," Artemis inquired suspiciously, "I was sure you could heal with your tears but to bring someone back from the dead? That is nothing short of a miracle. It sounds like something from a poorly written story." He crossed his arms and raised a brow.

"Mister Fowl, I have over a hundred years of magic built up in me—magic that I haven't been able to use. I can use my tears to heal once a year, and that is it. You can imagine the effect my cry would have on someone after I have not done so is so long. He was not entirely dead anyhow, only partially," Edan replied with a smile. She stood up and placed her hands on her hips.

"You can be only partially dead?" Caveman asked in disbelief. The girl nodded.

"Well of course you can! Haven't you seen the Princess Bride? Come on, you're human, I thought all humans knew movies like those," the girl stated with a smile and a roll of the eyes. All of the boys noticed how cheerful she had become. It was very different from her usually cold, sarcastic tone. She was warm, caring. She was someone maybe they wouldn't mind to actually be around. "Anyhow, we haven't got time to waste! We still have treasure to find!"

"You know where the treasure is?" Artemis asked quickly, his attention not peeked. "I'm going back to the truck. Edan, where are we going?"

"Ask Caveman, he knows where to go," the fairy girl replied, "you guys go on ahead. I'll meet you there." They had turned their backs for only one second, and she was gone. As a large shadow was cast upon them, they all looked up, holding their hands to their eyes. A bird was flying above them, a very large, golden bird.

"Woah," Zero said in awe, "what _is_ that?"

"Oh that," Artemis stated, "haven't you guessed? That's Edan she's a—"

"—phoenix," Zigzag finished with a slight smile on his lips.

""

_**t.b.p.: I know. It's just getting downright strange now, isn't it? This will **__**definitely**__** be done by Friday. And today is Wednesday, so that's just two days away! I don't care if I have to post multiple chapters on Friday, I will finish it! I have other stuff I want to be working on, but I'm putting if all off until I finish this story. Two days, that's it, and Green Lake Vigilantes is **__**done**_

_**Bibliophile, I can't tell you how hard it is for me to type your name. I always want to type Bibliophone, I just don't know why. . . anyhow, thanks! I'm terrible at action scenes, I know, it's my weakness by far. I usually have to have someone else's help cause I'm so bad. I tried my best though, hahaha. I'm almost done with this story, so not many cliffys left. **_

_**JoBro, thanks for reviewing!**_

_**EQ777, I know you have a life outside of my story . . I'm sorry about the cliffe, I guess I just don't really notice them because I write multiple chapters at once. I'm really sorry! But there aren't a whole lotta chapters left for cliffes, that I know for sure. **_


	22. Chapter 22

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

The four boys quickly headed for their stolen truck. They went to the back first and each took turns drinking from the spigot since all of them had managed to leave their canteens on top of God's Thumb. Needless to say, the water jugs hadn't been their main concern at the time. After their thirsts were quenched, the boys climbed into the truck, Artemis once again driving. "How close will this get us to camp? Caveman asked. He was sitting next to the Irish boy with Zero on his other side and Zigzag next to him.

"What's it like to die?" Zero asked the blonde boy cautiously. He sat still, looking up at the older boy intently. "Did it hurt?"

"It was like falling asleep," he replied thoughtfully, "I didn't feel anything but tired. I saw fire though—lots of it." Even as he spoke of flames, Zigzag remained cheerful, as though he wasn't phased at all.

"Flames? Like. . ._hell_?" The youngest boy's voice was almost a whisper. His eyes went wide in shock at the thought of the other boy going to hell.

"I don't think so. In Hell, aren't you supposed to be eternally tormented or something?" he asked the other three. Artemis chose to respond.

"In Dante Allegri's Dante's Inferno, yes, you are. Obviously, that's the point of Hell, but according to him, you're sent to a different right of Hell for each of your major misdoings. Also, as you get further down, it gets colder. The Inferno is technically the first few levels," he explained. As he had expected, none of the other boys had even learned about the book, much less read it. Damn American public school system—hindering the educational process as always.

"Well, this fire didn't hurt. It was nice and warm. I didn't mind being there. I think it was inside of Edan's chest," Zigzag said and shrugged. He pulled his legs up, kicking them onto the dashboard. He completely ignored how awkward his last statement was.

"Why would you possibly think you were trapped in her box? The inscription said you would die," Artemis snapped, irritated with the totally illogical idea. These people were deteriorating his mind.

"No, it didn't," the blonde boy said casually, "it said _with your life you will surrender._ I gave up my life, but that doesn't always mean die. I felt like I left my body, and then I ened up with the fire. Then there was a bright light, and I was back I my body."

"It makes no sense."

"Think whatever you like, vampire boy," Zigzag sighed and smiled, "that's what I think, and I'm going to stick with it." Artemis didn't bother arguing with the other D-Tenter. It would only be pointless.

"How far will this tank of gas get us?" Caveman asked, trying desperately to change the subject and make conversation. It was becoming an incredibly awkward ride with all of the talk of death. He just wanted to talk about something different.

"Not a whole lot fur—" as if on cue, the car stalled. They had been running on empty since after they found Zero, and it seemed to take its toll. The truck stopped and the boys got of their vehical. "We better drink up. Who knows when we'll be able to get water next." The other three boys agreed and lined up in the back.

"Human technology," came a sigh from Edan's voice. She had appeared to the left of the group, "so unreliable. It will be ark by the time you reach the treasure now. I'm afraid that I can't stay with you if that's the case. I'll draw too much attention to all of you, and it may very well get you caught. I'll go with you as far as I can, but I'll have to leave at sunset." The boys turned to her and froze while she spoke. They had to look at her twice before they could be sure that it was her. "What's wrong?" She asked and placed her hands on her hips, cocking her head to the side.

"Er, Edan?" Caveman asked, "you don't look like you. What happened to your jump suit?" She wore a dress now, one that reminded him of something Spartan Queen wore in the movie _300_. Not only that, but she looked older. She looked like a young woman, rather than a teenager.

"Oh, this? It's magic," she said and picked at her skirt, "this is the form I always used to take when I wanted to walk the Earth, rather than fly. I can have wings too, if I want. Do you want to see? No. . . wait. . . they're flames. That might not be a good idea with you all being human. . ." While she continued to mutter on, the Irish boy was lost in his thoughts as he stared at her.

_It wasn't as if I were physically attracted to her; no, that wasn't it, even though she was quite pretty in her new form. What I was busy wanting was the gold that littered her body. Gold necklace, gold bracelets, gold armlets, anklets, earrings. . . Ancient style—Roman, Greek, and Egyptian. Oh the fortunes I could make off of any one of those items. But, alas, it would be impossible for me to get even one. I wasn't going to try to fight the fire bird for her jewelry. _

_I was also attracted to her in another way, however. The magic I had stolen was drawn to her. I could only imagine that it was because she was a being entirely made up of the same energy that I also had pulsing through my body. The other bodys couldn't feel that I felt, but they were dazzled by her appearance alone. Please, she wasn't __**that**__ pretty. I didn't bother to make any comments though. _

"This is terribly interesting and all," Artemis announced after he cleared his throat, "but should we not be moving right now? We must find this treasure before it gets too dark, that, and, Edan, you still have some explaining to do before you fly off and leave us on our own." The boys nodded and gulped down some water before departing from the truck. They grabbed their shovels, which had been stored on top of the truck by shoving them under some metal bars, and headed off into the desert in search of treasure.

The group of five walked along, avoiding holes and the creatures which lived in them. It was a slow process, as they never seemed to get any closer to the horizon. The boys couldn't stand it, but Edan was practically skipping along, beaming. "You're a lot different than how you were when you first came here," Zigzag commented nonchalantly, "you were really mean and scary."

"It was the human body. I'm a very good natured being, usually," the fairy girl, or the phoenix girl really, replied. "I'm a symbol of light, and I was contained in a body that frequently represents darkness. It tainted my personality—but what can I say? Humans aren't the friendliest of creatures, and it was what I was slowly becoming. You've changed too though, Zigzag. You haven't even accused us of leading you off to your death or something."

"I know what's going on now," he replied and shrugged, "it's like part of my mind that I had been missing came back. I don't feel paranoid now."

"I'm curious," Artemis stated absentmindedly, "what was your encounter with the People?" His comment was directed towards the blonde boy, and everyone assumed so.

"I wandered off from my grandparents home—they own a ranch—and into one of the horse fields. I heard the horses and they were going mad, so I went to investigate. A giant monster thing with tusks was chasing after them and scaring them. I didn't blame them cause it looked like it would just crush them. Little winged people came out and started shooting out it. After they got rid of it, more came, and sat me down. Mind wiped like in Men in Black. I don't think the fairy did a very good job though, 'cause that's how I was diagnosed with acute paranoia. I could sometimes remember things like that, but they were only triggered by certain things, so I started thinking that the fairies were always there, making me forget again. I don't know, it's crazy, right?" He said and chuckled, "the drugs they were giving me definitely didn't help though either. They just make things worse, but they'll never let me stop. They'll never believe me or let me alone."

Though Artemis was not exactly the charitable type, he considered devising a way to send Zigzag's physician a letter from Cenil deMenchia, the world renowned psychologist, to advise him to stop the pharmaceutical influence. The kid had just died; the last thing he probably needed was more drugs. "Edan, I think it's your turn to explain now."

"Fine, fine," she sighed and waved them off, "I suppose now that we're out of danger, it wouldn't be that bad of an idea." She cleared her throat theatrically, as though she were preparing to retell a dramatic story. "For thousands of years, I was worshipped by humans. I, as I said, was a symbol of light to the people, the being who continually brought hope to mankind though the way I rise from my own ashes after—"

"—yes, yes, we know what a phoenix is, skip to the parts we don't know," the Irish boy snapped. Even most idiotic boy in the camp was sure to know what the fire bird way, so why waste time explaining what they only understood? He wanted to know what it had to do with _his_ treasure.

"Fine," Edan scowled, "but you do realize who you're insulting, right? I was respected and loved worldwide. You shouldn't talk to me like that."

"You _were_ respected and loved. Now you're just a myth. The only people who know you exist anymore live below ground, where you can't get to them. You've been forgotten. No one worships you, and no one prays for your blessings. Now get to what we want to know," he said and continued to walk. Edan stopped, glaring at him, hurt. That was the worst insult one could possibly give to a magical being—forgotten.

"That's not true," Zigzag interrupted, "the phoenix is legendary. It's a story that will never be forgotten. Mankind will always need figures of hope, even if they don't necessarily believe in it. They're still nice to have around to remember their significance."

"That's rather profound. I didn't think your intellect could come up with something like that," the Irish boy said. The other boy shrugged, not caring what he said, as long as he didn't call him crazy. "Now get on with it, Edan."

"Alright, alright," she snapped back, "but you really need to learn to be nicer to people. Maybe I'll curse you to lose your prosperity, Fowl. How would you feel without your precious gold then, huh? But, anyhow—I guess it started about a hundred years ago, just a few days after the man that Kate Barlow was killed. . ."

""

_**t.b.p.: so I have officially completed the story! And no, this was not the end. There will be one more, long chapter tomorrow plus an epilogue. I should have both up my tomorrow night—one in the morning, and one in the evening. I'm rather happy with the ending. Honestly, as I was typing along, I realized my ability to completely, accidentally, make things line up for plot purposes. **_

_**Bibliophile, first of all, I had a very uninteresting story for how Zigzag met the fairies. I can't say what I changed it too was much better, but at least it lined up a bit more. (I'm pretty sure Max Kasch's family really does have ranch.) I could've ended the story there, but it just wasn't quite over yet. Explanations were needed and there was still a bit of plot left that couldn't be in the epilogue. This was the second to last chapter, not including the epilogue. Usually, I am a terrible updater. Unless I really get into a story, my updates are few and far. My Sookie Stackhouse fic has been up for nearly a year and only has five chapters (but that's the next one I plan on getting to!) GLV was basically discontinued until you brought me back from the dead. The second half of this story is basically dedicated to you XP!**_

_**EQ777, yes, I suppose it would. I mean, everything after sort of. . . falls. . . hahaha. I'm glad you think it as 'sweet' rather than 'strange!' **_

_**Everyone else. . . REVIEW! This may be your last chance to get your name in my story!!**_


	23. Chapter 23

_**Artemis Fowl and the Green Lake Vigilantes**_

Summary: A Holes/Artemis Fowl crossover. Because I could. And it hadn't been done yet. (as far as I could tell.) Child Genius is sent to Camp Greenlake.

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes or Artemis Fowl. But Artemis, like Zigizag, is very hott. (or at least my version is) and I wish I did own both of them along with Draco Malfoy.

""

"After Sam the Onion Picker was killed, Barlow snapped. She killed the Sheriff and a few other men, but she didn't believe that it was enough. She was still unhappy, and wanted more as revenge," Edan said, her eyes gazing into the distance, recalling what had happened all those years ago. "Same had told her stories of the strange bird that sometimes came to God's Thumb—the place where his onion fields were. He had also told her that he swore the bird could make itself into a human."

"So he was talking about you," Zero said thoughtfully, like a child listening to a mother's bedtime story. He walked along next to the fairy girl, his eyes glued on her as he paid attention with interest. Edan nodded.

"Yes, he was," she smiled, "a very long time ago, I had made one of my nests up there, blessing the lake with fertility. When the onion picker started to grow his yield up there, I would sometimes come by and watch him. Sometimes I would look like this, but most of the time, I looked like a golden bird about the size of an eagle. Sam was a very kind man, and I think he always knew what I was. He would talk away, telling me all about his life and the people in it. I would listen, perched nearby, for hours. I never dared speak back in either of my forms, but he was always nice to listen to. One day, I waited and waited for him, but he never came, so I flew off to find him. That was when he was shot."

"Did you love him?" Edan, at first, thought that it was Zero asking, since she wasn't paying much attention to what was going on around her. Actually, it was Zigzag inquiring. He was to her other side, listening just as carefully. She shrugged.

"In away, I suppose. Now like Barlow though. She was the one who loved him. I loved that Sam was open minded enough to accept me for what I was without ever question me. He was my human friend," Edan sighed, "but he was killed by his fellow humans. Anyhow, Kissin' Kate Barlow, a few days after she had killed the Sheriff, took a boat to Sam's onion fields and came looking for me. I was surprised when she came, because she picked me out from the other birds immediately and started asking for my help. I knew I shouldn't, but Sam had bee my friend, and I was enraged with the humans for killing him. That and no one had asked for my help in almost a century. So I agreed."

"What exactly did you agree to?" Artemis asked, though he was rather sure he knew what was coming.

"I agreed to dry up the lake. I gave Barlow my necklace—it had a name you know. It's called the Sol Pennatus. Without it, I can't transform at will, and I can't use much of my power. To avenge Sam and teach the humans a lesson, however, I was wiling to walk the Earth for a few years. Things didn't quite go as planned," she said and fingered the almost gaudy jewelry around her neck.

"The fairies cursed you for your selfishness then, am I correct?" Artemis asked with a bored expression. Edan turned to him in surprise.

"No, of course not, I thought you knew them better," she stated, "they only cursed me because she paid them to. You see, Stanley Yelnats—"

"What about me?" Caveman asked from behind her. She shook her head.

"No, no, not _you_, your great-grandfather. He had stumbled upon buried fairy gold while he was working for the railroad. He quickly became wealthy. Well, Kate Barlow robbed him as part of a deal with some fairies who wanted their gold back. She returned it to them, and they cursed me. The original deal was that my power would only dry up the land during her lifetime. When she died, I would take my necklace back and be on my way. She never wanted the lake and town back though. This was her way of ensuring so," she explained. The boys nodded. "She killed herself, enacting the magic of the curse with her sacrifice. Poor Yelnats had been mesmered to climb God's Thumb with my chest to put it where no human would accidentally stumbled upon it, since by opening it willingly, anyone could life the curse, as we saw."

"I can't believe you just wouldn't tell me all of this," said the irritated Fowl, "you've known where everything was, but you wasted my time. Why couldn't you have just told me?!"

"Because," Edan said sternly, "I couldn't have you asking how I knew. I needed you to open the chest for me without any questions. The People helped get me in and everything, but only because they knew you would die if I managed to succeed. Plus, I don't know where _everything_ is. Just a few things."

_I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She had just informed me that the only reason the People had cooperated with both her and I was because I was supposed to be dead. They had betrayed me after I gave up three years of my life for the magical folk. They had not heard the last of Artemis Fowl the Second, that was for damned sure. _

"What now then? Now that I'm not dead?"

"Now I'll be hunted down for breaking my deal with them," Edan replied cheerfully, "they will see it as my responsibility, no matter what. I had assured them that I would kill you one way or another. However, I'm a being of light and goodness now. I have no desire to kill you. I will not let anymore blood spill on this land." She looked up towards the sky, estimating how much longer she would have with the boys.

"So they will send their forces after you?" The Irish boy asked. He was forcing himself to remain calm and even stoic to keep from mistakenly expressing his anger. Internally, he was thankful that she had gone against her word, but he was still not happy that she had been planning on him opening her chest the entire time, him dying in the process. This would be war with the People—even with those whom he had once considered to be his friends.

"Most likely," Edan replied, "but I can handle them. There are more solitary beings above ground than you know, Mister Fowl, beings that were too powerful to contain underground, or just too stubborn to go. They are separate from the People. They may not have as sophisticated technology, but their powers have evolved to make up for that. If the people attack me, there will be a war between those above and those below. Humans will inevitably be drawn in. I'm not sure if the People are willing to risk that or not. Be prepared to choose a side, if they do."

_Her words were almost haunting to me, as though she was subtly trying to warn me with her prediction. It was an interesting thought though—a magical war. I could only imagine how something like that would change the face of our worlds: both the fairies' and the humans'. I would be on the lookout for anything suspicious that would indicate the verdict would be. I was sure, after all, that the fairies I had been in contact with would not keep me posted. _"I see," he sighed softly, "and I don't suppose your services could be bought?" The fairy girl shook her head with a smile.

"I'm free. What more could I want?" She asked, though the question was rhetorical, "anyhow, you cold always pray for my help, like humans used to do. It doesn't cost a thing, but it has to have good intentions for me to listen. If I hear it, perhaps I could answer it. I would tell you boys to feel free to do the same, but only two out of the four of you will even rememberme."

"Can't we fight the mind wipe?" Zero spoke up, "I want to remember this."

"Yeah, me too," Caveman added.

"No," Artemis responded, "it's a technology far beyond ours. They'll replace your memories with something else. You probably won't remember Edan nor myself because of our fairy connections. It will be as if we never came to this hell hole." He ignored his accidental pun.

"But I'll remember, and no one will ever believe me," Zigzag sighed sadly, "but at least I know it's all real. I guess that it'll be okay. . ."

"Write a book about it," the girl suggested, "but make sure its categorized under fiction or the People will block its publication." The blonde boy nodded, decided that it was a possibility. "Well, I'm sorry boys, but I must be leaving. It's that time of day."

"So we'll never see you again?"

"Sure you will, just look up in the sky on a particularly bright and sunny day. Maybe I'll be passing by," she laughed for a moment before becoming rather serious. She stepped towards Zero and Caveman and leaned down to the youngest boy. She placed a kiss on his cheek before standing up and placing one on Caveman's. "For prosperity." The older boy blushed madly, having never received a kiss from a girl other than his mother. She moved to Artemis, who have her a look that clearly read _I dare you_. She dared. She kissed him on the cheek, despite his protests, "for protection." She smacked him for struggling before moving onto Zigzag, who had a slight, goofy smile plastered on his face.

"For you," she started, "I bless you with happiness. You gave me my freedom and I am eternally grateful. If you need me, just send me a prayer and I'll help you. Thank you." She gave the blonde boy a hug and then a kiss, though she had to stand on her toes to do so because he was still taller than her. He just continued to smile. "Don't let the aliens abduct you." Though she was kidding, he couldn't help but look at the boys, suspicious of their possible extraterrestrial origins.

I don't need _your_ protection," the Irish boy snapped, his voice filled with disdain. The girl shrugged.

"You might. Plus, why kind of idiot person actually turns down my protection? No one. So there," she said and stuck her tongue out at him, "well, I'll be seeing you." The fairy girl whom they had known as Alexandra Edan backed up, away from the boys, and spread her arms. The strange symbols littering her body, which had intrigued Artemis because they were also gold, lit up and started moving about. Feather started to appear, protruding from her skin. With one last, thankful smile, the girl burst into flames, lifting off into the air. When the fire died down, only a beautiful golden bird was left, flying away into the falling sun.

"This was not what I was expecting when I was sentenced," Caveman muttered, "what do you have there, Zig?"

The blond boy had stepped forward and reached down for something glittering on the ground. In his hand, he held a single, gold colored feather. Zigzag smiled and slipped it into his pocket to hold onto for later. It was now _his_ treasure. He didn't care about whatever Artemis was after. "Nothing."

"Caveman," the Irishboy stated, drawing attention back to himself quickly, "Edan said you knew where the treasure was. Please, lead the way. I don't plan on being out here all night." Caveman nodded and explained where the hole that they needed to go to had been. He said he had marked with a particularly large rock that sort of looked like a head. It gave a whole new meaning to a Head Stone.

It took about an hour more of walking before Zero went running over to a hole. "I think I found out!" He cried out and pointed to the rock sitting on the edge of the five foot hole. His friend agreed and also went running over.

"The hole is already five feet in depth, so it is unlikely that any treasure would be much further below," Artemis deducted, "therefore, it is more likely that the hole needs to be widened. Two people should start and then as the hole becomes larger, someone else can go join in as well."

"Hey, I already did my job, I died," Zigzag stated and put his hands in front of himself, "you guys get to dig, not me." He sat down on a large dirt pile and pulled the feather out of his pocket. He sat there quietly, ignoring the protests coming from the other boys. He was already off in his own little world, and they weren't invited.

"I'll dig," Zero immediately offered and jumped in. His friend sighed and followed after him. The two of them, shovels in hand, started breaking away the walls of the hole, trying to widen them. Artemis stood above them, supervising. "Artemis, if you're so rich, why do you want this treasure? Don't you have enough already?"

The Irish boy was a bit startled by the younger boy's comment. First of all, it had been the first time he had addressed him by his name, second of all, the statement almost had a done of coldness behind it. "No, of course not. You can never have enough. Aurum Potestas Est. Gold is power. It's what I came here for, and it's what I plan on taking back with me after all of the work I've put into finding it." Zero did not respond. He simply dug away, doing what he liked to do best—getting lost in his thoughts.

Artemis was just about ready to jump in and help when they hit something hollow. They knocked the dirt away and pulled out a large, wooden chest. "We found it, we found it!" Caveman cheered before remembering that it was Artemis who was supposed to get it. "Er, you're the expert, I guess you should look at it, c'mon Zero." The two of them climbed out of the hole and let the Fowl get in. He bent down to start inspecting when a mass of yellow spotted lizards started climbing out of the alcove that the chest had been in. He didn't even have time to get away.

The incredibly deadly creatures crawled out, up onto the chest, and onto Artemis. He didn't move a muscle. He stood there, frozen in fear. He wished Edan was back. She could fry them all easily. Soon, a light appeared, and he honestly believed that the fairy girl had come to rescue him. It wasn't her, however. It was the only other female in the camp. "What do you think you're doing?" The Warden, followed by Mr. Sir, asked, shining a flashlight on the boys. Her eyes landed on the trunk. She was ready to dive in and take it from the Irish boy, when she saw the lizards crawling everywhere. "Oh. My. God."

"What do we do?" Marion asked, leaning to look in the hole without getting too close.

"Nothin'," she replied with a smile, "they'll bite him, he'll die, you shoot all of the lizards, then I'll take the chest. It's all a matter of time."

""

The sun was coming up. Artemis still sat in the hole, very much alive, and the Warden paced around, waiting for him to die. The moment never came.

_I wasn't sure why the damned lizards weren't biting me. I was under the impression that they were vicious—at the moment, they only seemed disgusting. Perhaps it was the magic in my blood that they were repelled by. . . no, that couldn't be it, I didn't have enough for it to make a difference. Magic. . . Edan __**did**__ bless me with her protection. Perhaps it's __**her**__ magic protecting me. And I have complained when she offered her bit of help, what was I thinking? I suppose I was just too irritated with her at the time to actually accept what she was going. I glanced down at the chest as the sunlight hit it. I was about to let out a sigh and turn my attention back to the pacing woman when I noticed something written on the top. Y-E-L-N-A. . ._

"Hey, Caveman, I mean, Stanley," Zero started, a hint of curiousity in his voice, "is your last name your first name spelled backwards?"

"Yeah, why?" Caveman asked lazily from his spot on the ground.

"Well—"

"Artemis!" A loud, low voice called out to the Irish boy. He immediately recognized it as his guard. "Artemis, are you in there?"

"I'm here, Butler!" The Irish boy replied, thankful that he had shown up. He must have received Artemis's message the day earlier and flown out to get him immediately. Artemis had sent him a text telling him that he would have the treasure by the next day, and needed to prepare to leave. The loyal manservant did exactly as he was told.

"Lou—I couldn't stop him! I'm sorry!" Pendanski's voice was also heard as the ground practically rumbled from Butlers heavy steps. The Warden turned around.

"Excuse—me? Who, exactly, are you?" Her voice faltered on the last phrase. Artemis could only assume that she had just seen the large man for the first time.

"None of your business, ma'am. I'm here to retrieve Artemis Fowl. It seems he's been cleared of all charges. His release is demanded immediately. I believe you will find something similar for the Yelnats boy. His lawyer is on her way with a few police officers at the moment. I ran into her on my way here. What's going on?" Butler asked, not of the Warden or any other of the adults, but of his principle.

"Well, I'll have you know, that these boys snuck into my cabin a few hours ago and stole my trunk there! The delinquents!" The Warden snapped, her hands on her hips. Artemis had had enough by this point. He stood, taking the lizards off of him. A few jumped out of the hole, causing everyone to back up quickly.

"Butler, I'd like to order an investigation of this facility. There are a few questionable practices going on around here," the Fowl boy commented nonchalantly. The female who ran the place ignored the comment and ran to the chest that Artemis was pulling out.

"Oh, thank god you're okay, now I'll just take this—"

"No!" Zero shouted and ran over, pulling it away from the Warden and even Artemis. "It doesn't belong to either of you! Look! _Stanley Yelnats_! This is Stanley's! You guys can't have it! It's his!" Artemis groaned. He had also noticed the name written on it. Only one thing to do—mesmer the humans around there.

_"No,"_ he said, his voice dripping with his stolen magic, _"no, that trunk belongs to me. Now hand it over to me. . ." _He watched, but nothing happened. At least, not to two of the boys. Caveman and Zero were unaffected.

"He's right though, that is my name," Caveman replied, confused at what Artemis was saying.

_At first, I thought I had done something wrong. However, when even the Warden went into a daze, I was sure that I was doing everything correctly. Why were only these two unaffected. It didn't take me long to realize why. Edan. Like she had blessed me with protection, she had blessed both of them with Prosperity. She had known whose chest had been buried. She had probably been around when it had been placed there in the first place. I was never meant to have it. I was never meant to get anything from this disastrous place. This only angered me more. But I couldn't take it. A few years ago, perhaps I would have had Butler force the boys to give the chest to me, but not anymore. _

_I stepped back and looked around. Caveman had possibly just become a millionaire, and he would probably share it with his friend Zero, who helped him find it. Zigzag was sitting contently by, running his hands along the golden feather and watching the scene before him with amusement. And me? Well, I was alive, that was a start. Edan hadn't killed me and her protection had kept the lizards from killing me. Right now, I decided that I could let the treasure go. There was surely more out here. Now was simply not the time to go searching. Fine. Here was my good deed for the day. Well, maybe more like for the year. _

_"Give the chest to Stanley. It belongs to him, Warden,_" Artemis finished his mesmer as Caveman's attorney showed up, freaking out. He didn't bother to stay and watch the scene unfold. He locked eyes with Butler, mentally signaling that he didn't want to talk about it. The two of them started walking away quickly, heading to the black Mercedes the body guard had driven out there. As they entered the camp, there was chaos. The boys were running amuck, wanting to know desperately what was going on.

"Vampire boy, you're back!" Armpit exclaimed as the D-Tent boys came crashing out of the mess hall, "what about the others?"

"They're fine, just dealing with the Warden and Caveman's lawyer," the Irish boy didn't plan on sticking around for explanations. He went right to his tent, gathered up his stuff, and changed into one of his Armani suits that Butler had brought him. He briefly used up his shower tokens so that he could scrub his face and hands clean before getting into the car. No one bothered to ask him questions. They were all running out towards the other boys. But if Artemis didn't have to deal with them, he was happy.

"You came all of the way out here, went through almost three months of juvenile camp, and gave up what you were looking for," Butler stated as he opened the door for his principal, who slid inside. He went to the driver's seat and immediately started up the car, wanting to leave as soon as possible, "what has gotten into you?"

_I sat silently for a few moments, looking out over the camp for the last time before answering. "You have to understand, Butler, I'm not at all happy about this, so I'm hoping we will be far away from here before I really start regretting my decision," I said to my loyal guard, "however, gold is not the only power. Knowledge is as well. At the moment, some information I have learned from a credible source is much more important than whatever was in that chest."_

_Right now, my life was simply more important. I wasn't speaking of any moral information that I might have learned, but of the information Edan had told me about the possibility of a war between the fairies. She said I would have to choose a side. I knew what side I would choose. It wasn't necessarily the side that would win, because I didn't have enough resources yet to decide which would be the victor, but I wouldn't choose the side that wanted me dead, that was most definite. _

_"Well," Butler sighed and said, "at least you built some character while you were here."_

""

_**t.b.p**__.__**: the end! What did you think? Good? Not? This wasn't the Epilogue! There will still be another short chapter with information as to what happened to a few important characters! And, there might be a slight surprise for those of you who enjoyed this story. . . but you might not like the surprise XP! Stay tuned—it should be up in a few hours!**_

_**EQ777, your're right, he is rather OOC. I'm terribly s****orry. Really, he just doesn't care for Edan a whole deal. And he isn't going to be so nice to them any more!**_

_**Bibliophile, just take a few tips on world domination from Arty: though he hasn't tried it, I'm sure he would succeed with the way he operates. And I know, making Ziggy not insane anymore changes his appeal, but, well, there is also a reason for that too. . . I'm just not sure if it will workout or not. . .**_

_**I see you people out there clicking!! Unless you give me a review in the next few hours, you will NOT get your name in my story!! But review anyhow, please??**_


	24. Epilogue

"I think it's only fair that my dear friend, Hector Zeroni, should get half of whatever's in this case," Stanley Yelnates the fourth said sternly as he, his family, and his friend, stood around the chest inscribed with his name. Zero had been released because of the suspicious circumstances in which he was kept in the camp, and been taken back with Stanley to his family, since the young boy currently had no family.

They broke the lock on the chest and opened it, nearly fainting at the sight of gold and treasury certificates. "How much are they worth Stanley, how much?" Mrs. Yelnates asked eagerly. Her son picked up one of the pieces of paper, doing some mental math.

"I'm not sure, a quarter of a million each? Guys, we're rich!"

"One for us, one for Mr. Zeroni," his father said in a singsong voice, "one of us, one for Mr. Zeroni." They continued to divide out what was inside. As Hector Zeroni received half, he knew right away that he would use the money to search for his mother and give them a good, stable lifestyle.

"I wonder how much this gold is worth," his grandfather asked, picking up some of the gold pieces that had been inside. Stanley furrowed his brows, looking at the gold closely.

"You know, I think there was a kid at the camp who could've told us, but I can't really remember who he was. . . Can you, Hector?"

"I think someone mentioned it, but I can't remember either. Must not have been in our tent," the young boy said and shrugged. They both put the thought to the back of their minds and continued to rejoice at their success. On top of the gold and inflated certificates they had found, Stanley Yelnats the third had managed to successfully complete his deodorizing formula. Clyde Livingston had even agreed to be his spokes person out of guilt for testifying against the youngest Yelnats and sending him away for those months.

"Well, I think we should all gather in a circle, take hands, and give thanks to whoever it was who blessed us with such fortune. Someone was really looking out for us this time," Stanley Yelnats Junior announced and gathered the family plus one together for a prayer. The two boys looked at each other again, the same confused expressions on their faces. Why did it feel like they were forgetting something?

Though they didn't know it, as they stood, thanking _god_ for the fortune _He_ had bestowed upon them, they were heard. Even though that person, or being, was now a complete stranger to them.

""

"Oh Ricky, it's so good to have you home!" A mother with insanely wavy, red hair went running to her son as he got out of his father's car. "Are you okay? Did they treat you well? You didn't see any sign of aliens did you? Out there in the desert? They like those sort of places, you know." Zigzag's mother was _not_ paranoid. She was simply an extraterrestrial fanatic.

"Sorry mom, I didn't see anything," he lied. He had seen plenty, and he had even thought he met an alien for a short period of time. Silly him. She was only a fairy.

"Please, Anna, don't start," the father of the boy sighed, running a hand through his thick blonde strands, "he's been without treatment for so long. He might snap at any minute. Instigation really isn't a good idea."

"Dad, I can hear you," Ricky groaned, "and I'm fine, I'm telling you. I know you won't believe me, but I'm really okay. Being out there cleared things up. I'm not crazy, I just have an overly creative mind." He wasn't going to try to convince his father. Now that he was home, he would have to start up the concoction of medication his father, head of North Texas Psych Ward, had him on.

"Well, we'll just have to see about that," the man stated before sitting correctly in his driver's seat. "I need to get back to work."

"You haven't seen your son in nearly six months; can't you stay a little while?" The woman known as Anna Fey said, putting her hands on her hips. Ronald Fey shook his head.

"No. I'm sure I'll be seeing plenty of Ricky anyhow. I'll give you a call tonight," he said and put the car into reverse. Ricky's mother looked at her son, a troubled look in her eyes. He smiled and shrugged.

"It's okay, mom, I really don't want to talk to him right now anyhow. He only makes me frustrated. I really am better now. I never thought that a place like that would help me get things straight," the blonde boy replied, placing a hand on his mother shoulder. She returned his smile and started to lead him into the house.

"Well, as long as the aliens didn't probe you. . ."

Zigzag had met the fairies. He had met someone called Captain Holly Short, and spoke to a Centaur named Foaly. Apparently, the Vampire boy knew those people, er, things. The female apologized for their poor mind wipe of him, all those years ago. He said it was okay, it just meant that they couldn't do it now. They were uncomfortable with him knowing, but there was nothing they could do at that point, especially since the fairies who were around the boy could feel the magic radiating off of the blonde boy. If they tried to wipe his mind again, they were rather sure it would backfire onto them. D'avit ancient magic and ancient beings. The phoenix had taken an interest in him and was going to make sure they couldn't hurt him again. Since they couldn't do anything, they swore him to secrecy. If he broke his promise though, they couldn't do anything as a repercussion. He didn't have to know all of that.

Ricky Fey sat down at his desk and pulled a book off of his shelf. _Grimm's Fairytales. _It seemed that since his father had left his mother, his mother had returned everything of Ricky's. Ronald and Anna had previously had a strained relationship, held together by their son. Once he was sentenced, they had no reason to stay together. He moved out and left her the house. Everything he had taken away—things that might provoke Zigzag's paranoia, had been removed from his grasp.

He smile as he leafed through the book, wondering what was real and what wasn't. He would right his own story now, one that would involve very real beings. Ricky sighed and pulled something from the rucksack he brought from the camp. He placed Edan's golden feather inside of the book and shut it before replacing it on the shelf. Leaning back in his chair, he gazed out of his window at the particularly nice, sunny day outside.

When Ronald returned to his office, he stopped by his mailbox in the Ward. He picked up the few envelopes and magazine subscriptions, flipping through to see if there was anything of interest. He was almost to his office when he stopped dead in his tracks. A letter from. . . _Cenile deMenchia? The great author himself?_ He immediately ran into his office and sat down, taking care to open the letting.

It was written on expensive stationary with a gold lined header on top. It was a hand written letter with signature and everything. What had he possibly done to deserve one of the most influential psychologist's attention? No one had ever even seen the man, and very few had even heard from him!

_Doctor Ronald Fey, Head of North Texas Psychological Ward:_

_I am writing to you out of the respect of our shared field. I do not pretend to know you, nor your personal business. However, I have a great concern for a certain subject have met, as of recently. _

_I was traveling throughout the United States, examining unique prison facilities when I stumbled upon Camp Green Lake, purely by accident, I assure you. I interviewed a few inmates, and found a bit of interest to me. A boy, who the other inmates called 'Zigzag' explained to me his situation involving acute paranoia. However, though my examination, as I spent an amount of time with him that I did not with the others, I found that he is nothing more than a boy with an overly creative mind. I was also told of the mixture of drugs that you, as his primary physician, had also been dosing him with. _

_Doctor, this concerns me. The chemical mixture, as I have found with my experience in the field, is enough to create delusions in the mind of any person, no matter the strength of his or her mind. You have been feeding your son his own insanity. I suggest you put an immediate end to his treatment—you are doing more harm than good. Ricky Fey's time at Camp Green Lake has served him good. His time away from you and your medication is possibly the best thing that could have happened to the boy. _

_If you do not discontinue your work with him, I will be forced to take matters to the American Association of Psychologists and inform them of this misuse. I'm sure you know as well as I do what that could mean for you and your Psychological Ward._

_Doctor Cenile deMencha, PhD, MD._

The doctor dropped the letter on his desk. Lifting his glasses, he put his brings to the bridge of his nose. If the other doctor took his information to the council, then Fey would most likely lose his practicing license and the entire Ward would be under investigation. With some of the other. . . risky conduct going about, he couldn't have that. His only option was to leave his son be. It wasn't as though he actually knew he was harming him, after all. How could this have suddenly happened? And why was it so damned bright out?

""

"Was it really your job to interfere?" Butler asked his principle, who has anticipating the arrival of his letter to Doctor Fey. The pale boy allowed his signature, vampire like smile to creep onto his face. He folded his hands neatly and swirled his chair to face the manservant.

"No, it really wasn't. I simply love mischief making far too much," he replied before swirling back to his computer.

"You usually have ulterior motives when you do something out of the kindness of your heart."

"The People were not able to mind wipe the boy again, which means that he had all recollection of both myself and Edan. If this war is coming, then could it really hurt to have another ally on my hands? I couldn't have him so drugged up that he would only be useless, now could I?" Artemis closed his newly started file on the boy known as Richard Maxwell Fey. He didn't want any certain traitorous centaurs to get into his files, so he was forced to re-encrypt his entire system with an entirely knew format of coding, one that he was sure that not even Foaly would be able to break into. The Irish boy was preparing for what might come.

Upon his return to Ireland and to Fowl Manor, Artemis had immediately started his search for the above ground beings which Edan had spoken of. His internet resources were coming up rather short, as only the same old fairy tales he knew were coming up. These other beings must have evolved enough to learn to blend in with humans. That was something the People certainly couldn't do.

He would need to dig deeper.

Artemis was pulled from his thoughts by a knock at the door. "Um, Arty?" It was Juliet, "I think I have something for you. . ." The boy turned to Butler and nodded for him to let his sister in. She entered, carefully holding a piece of silk with something wrapped into it.

"Juliet! Madam Ko would be so disappointed!" Butler snapped and rushed to take whatever it was from her. One of the first rules of guarding a principle, never, _ever, _bring a strange item into their vicinity before clearing it as safe first.

"I don't think it's dangerous, Dom! I was in the kitchen when this bird started pecking at the window! I went out to see if I could get it go to away, and there this was, just laying there with a letter on top of it, addressed to _Vampire Boy._"

The Fowl quickly jumped up and walked over to the parcel like object. He took it from Butler and pulled the silk covering off. In his hands, he held a solid gold wristlet. He examined it closely, particularly intrigued by the bird engraved into the metal. If he had it appraised, he couldn't even start to imagine hoe much it would run for. It was ancient, and he knew that. He recognized it as something that had been around Edan's left wrist after her appearance had slightly altered. "The letter?"

"Oh, here," the blonde girl said and handed over the folded piece of paper that she still had in her hands. He took it and opened it gingerly. The paper wasn't paper but parchment, old paper that hadn't been used in years. The writing was done with what appeared to be a quill in ink. Of course, that was something only Edan would use.

"_I'm sorry you couldn't find your treasure and keep it too."_

Artemis smirked and held the bracelet up to the light in the window. It caught the light and reflected it onto the ceiling, the engraving also reflecting, creating the image of an elaborate bird. He looked down at the letter and read the only other line on the letter.

_"P.S. New Jersey and New York City."_

"What's that supposed to mean?" Butler asked, reading the message from over his principle's shoulder.

"I think she was informing us of where to start our next search," Artemis explained.

"More treasure?"

"No—allies."

""

_**t.b.p.: well? What did you think? Did you like it? That's it. The end. No more. At least, not for this story . . Did you guess my surprise? I might write a sequel. Yay or nay? What do you think? If I do, it's going to involve the world of Holly Black and her faeries. I'm not entirely sure if I will or not, but if so, I'm probably going to need a committed Beta reader. Not only that, but it won't be up for at least another month, I'm sure. I have to go and finish my Sookie Stackhouse story, As Dead As Dead Can Be. **_

_**I'm so glad that I can now add another story to my Completed list. I'd like to thank Bibliophile for getting me to come back, and EgyptianQueen777 for being one of the loyal reviews who subconsciously gave me more of a reason to finish! Thanks a bunch!!**_


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